How do I explain the importance of confidentiality in marriage?
My spouse and I are at an impass. We are working through some issues and I believe our ups and downs and details of our marriage should be kept between us and not shared with mutual friends or family. He disagrees. He says he needs to be able to vent/share with friends. I disagree because they only get one side of the story, may become biased etc. It makes future encounters awkward knowing/wondering what has been shared with them, and makes me hesitant to share with him. He told me a few weeks ago he was fine with not sharing but recently admitted he didnt agree and only said it to pacify me. So how do I get him to understand the importance of this and if he does agree...how do I trust that hes telling me the truth and means it this time?
@determinedWalker5910
Confidentiality is an essential part of a healthy relationship because both parties would feel comfortable enough to share their innermost selves. In marriage, any confidential information that is shared between spouses is precious and private. Sharing this information with a third party is not only dishonorable, but it can also destroy trust and communication in the marriage. If he must confide in someone, perhaps suggest a neutral third party such as a marriage counselor or a member of the clergy. These people can discuss the matter without judging you or your spouse.
Losing control of the information – Once you relay confidential information to a third party, you lose control of who gets the information. You never know whom the third party will choose to share that information with. In fact, you risk becoming the topic of discussion among your friends and family which is not only embarrassing but it can also make your marital issues worse.
Betraying your spouse – You should never speak ill of your spouse to a third party, even when you are upset. If you do and your spouse finds out, he or she will feel betrayed. Before you share something, think about how your spouse would feel if it got back to him or her.
Blowing the issue out of proportion – Venting to others about your marriage problems can turn minor issues into major problems.
Losing your objectivity – Your well being is your friends and familys primary concern. Therefore, they will most likely agree with your one-sided view of the problem. This may make you feel good but it may also cause you to lose your objectivity on the issue. It also wont solve your problems.
Vilifying your spouse – If you are constantly panting a negative picture of your spouse in the minds of your loved ones, they will grow to resent him. This picture will be hard to erase even after you have resolved your issues with your spouse and you have a healthy relationship. The third parties may also confront your spouse on your behalf in an attempt to defend you or make comments that might hinder your reconciliation with your spouse.
What Not To Share
Your finances should remain confidential between you and your spouse. This includes information about how much your spouse makes and the amount of debt you have. The last thing you want is for your friends to start judging how you live and how you spend your money.
Your sex life is private. Your friends and family have no business knowing the details of this intimate part of your marriage. If you need advice, speak to a counselor.
What your spouse says about your friends is private. If your husband confesses that he does not like one of your close friends, dont tell your friend. This will only lead to bad blood between them and you may be forced to let one of them go.
To enjoy a healthy relationship and happy marriage you must be willing to maintain confidentiality. Your trust in him keeping his word is shaky because at the moment he has not shown understanding or respect for the sacred bond of confidentiality that a marriage deserves. Please feel free to use the above points to strengthen your discussion with him and maybe support him to seek a neutral professional for venting/sharing purposes.
Good Luck!
