I Need Help

Hi everyone. This is my first time posting about this; I’m generally a pretty private person who likes to handle everything on my own. However, after 18 straight months of dealing with a difficult situation, I realize I need some outside perspective.

I’m in a same-sex marriage. We’ve been together for almost 10 years and married for 3. My spouse is a physician, but not in the field they worked so hard to enter. Last March, we found out they didn't match into their chosen specialty. It was devastating—they were an honor student, networked constantly, and did everything right. After some time went by, they tried again by completing a transitional year (essentially a preliminary year of residency) and reapplying, but this past March, they missed the match again and ended up matching into a backup specialty that they have zero desire to practice.

We’ve since moved for their residency. We have a house, a dog, a quiet life, and a potential friend group nearby, everything we wante really. However, they are still struggling with severe anger and depression. I want to clarify that I am not in any physical danger; they have never been abusive toward me or our dog. But living with them feels unpredictable. One day everythings fine, and the next, a minor setback sends them into a spiral where they hate life, our home, our city, and regrets ever going into medicine.

This has been our reality since March 2025, and I’m at a loss. We’ve both tried individual therapy, but it didn't feel like a good fit for either of us. I’m posting here in the hopes of gaining some clarity, different viewpoints, and feedback from others who might relate.

thanks to anyone who read this, it’s much appreciated.