I always take things as criticism
My partner and I (Me, M41 and her F39) have been together for close to 4 years.
I really struggle in arguments. I always have, even in my previous marriage. I sometimes take ages to process what’s being said, to consider an appropriate answer, and sometimes just get stuck and am silent.
I also often take anything she says as criticism apparently, even when it’s just her wanting to vent or tell me something she noticed. To me criticism is very much not doing the right thing in the first place.
How can I overcome this feeling of personally being attacked or the shutting down?
For extra info, she’s just been referred for an autism screening and I am probably on the spectrum myself.
@LunarGrape Hello. It sounds like you have been having difficulty listening to what your partner says and not taking it personally. This resource helped me to learn how to listen to others and might also be useful to you in helping your partner to feel heard and understood and in defusing criticism: https://www.7cups.com/listener/training/ Additionally, I have found that accepting the fact that I make mistakes and trying to learn from them, rather than expecting myself to be perfect, has led to criticisms feeling less threatening. Feel free to message me anytime if you would like to talk more about this. I hope you find peace in your relationship.
@wonderfulSoul4237 This link just keeps taking me back to the login page and then back to this post
@LunarGrape I am sorry, I did not realize that would happen. For me, this link takes me to the active listening course. My best guess is that you need a listener account for it to work. It takes less than a day to set up and you don't have to commit to listening to anyone if you don't want to. Once again, I apologize for the link not working.