I am going to die a kissless virgin
Hi, So the title says it all really, I am 18 and have never had a girl interested in me. All my friends are not virgins and have girlfriends and I have nothing. I thought I was accepting it.. But it's tearing me apart. I can't deal with knowing that no one will ever find me attractive or love me. It hurts every day and night. People say that I shouldn't worry about it but how can I not? Everyone else has something but not me. I can go from upset to angry in seconds. I just don't know what to do anymore.
Don't worry about what your friends are doing. I didn't lose it until I was 20 and even though she was a very special person to me, I sort of wishes I'd held out a little longer. My friends always seemed to have girlfriends and girls interested in them and I felt like I never did. Brother I know how frustrating that can be. Because then into my 20's I had a string of bad luck too. It sucks not having a date to take to your friends' weddings. So as someone who had been on that same road, more than once, you've got to believe me when I tell you - it will change. One thing that's important is that you have to like the person you are. Telling yourself you're going to die a virgin is the wrong way to look at it. Even if it were true, no one would think of you that way. I'm sure you have some really great qualities that all of your friends really like about you. You should think about those and how that makes you a good person. And how that makes you a person other people will want to be around. When you start to have confidence in yourself and see yourself in a positive light, other people will too. That's a guarantee.
Hi,
Thanks for the post, but I just don't belive that I ever will. I used to not care about it a few months ago and even then I had no intrest from anyone. I really don't see why someone could or would like me.
It's just really scary knowing I will die a kissless virgin while my freinds get on with there lifes.
Hello, my friend. I can relate so much to what you are telling us here. I hung with some friends that always seemed "cool" and they seemed like they got all the boys......(yes, I'm a girl)....and I always felt like the ugly duckling. I would cry a lot and ask myself why no one thought I was interesting enough. Time took care of all this, believe me, it will. Go out and find things that interest YOU, not what your friends may be encouraging you to get involved with. When you find that passion in something....wether it be sports, a hobby, creating things, whatever, then you will get a good sense of yourself and gain confidence. When you're confident, others see that, sense that and they want to get to know you. Put yourself out there to meet people. Do you know how many girls feel the same way? They are shy, unsure of themselves and don't think they will find YOU!!! You are young, you have a full, long life ahead of you and you'll meet so many people, more than you can even imagine now. Work on finding out who you are and what really interests you and just relax. God will hook you up with people that will share your interests and your dreams. Someone told me long ago that you can't love someone else until you love yourself. I think that is so true. I am sure you have some great qualities that others envy and admire. We all have unique talents and qualities....don't compare yourself to your friends, as they are not you. Embrace who you are, and know things today won't be the same as tomorrow. That's the beauty of life........everything changes and evolves. In 5 years you won't be the same person you are today, as life lets us grow. We learn from our mistakes and we grow from our experences. I know it must look bleak right at this moment....but I have confidence in you to knowthese are just temporary thoughts. Instead of looking at the finish line (kissless virgin) show everyone around you what a kind, loving person you are. Extend yourself and do things for ladies when you meet them, the small kindnesses that you don't think mean a lot but they are noticed. That's what gal falsl in love with....the kindness and thoughtfulness of a man. Keep doing those things and someone will want to get to know you more and then a relationship can start and build. Talk with them about everyday things, show interest in them and what they are involved in and you'll find that they will respond in a most positive way. The right gal will want to spend time with you, believe me. Be patient!! We've all had our failures but we push on and keep being ourselves until that magic moment when we find our true "soumate." You will get there....be patient with yourself and show others who you are........a great guy that wants to share his life with another.
I just worry that I have so many unlikeable things about me that no girl could ever like me. Especially as no one has ever shown then are even a little bit attracted to me. I can't really join any clubs, there aren't any that interest me currently. I have tried to improve myself by learning guitar and karate but nothing seems to improve me. I wish I could find one of these girls then, where do they hide! Haha
You don't need improving though. It's great that you're learning guitar and karate, but you've gotta do that stuff because it's what you want to do. Another big thing is location. If you've lived in the same town for most of your life, these girls you know might just already have an image of you in their head from when you were younger. And that's ok. I promise you, you are going to meet new people as the days go by and several of them are going to be interested in you.
Hi,
Well I am in my last year of College before I hopefully go to University. So I have had 2 years of completelynew people. Admitidly I only really 'found myself' near the end of the first year but still.
And I am doing them because I want too. As I felt the need to do something with my time spent alone so I thought I might take up a new skill, don't know if it's worth it though.
@notcam, I, at one time, felt the same also. I was a virgin until I was about 20. While I was still in school, I was a junior or senior, and liked a girl that was a grade behind me. I wanted to ask this girl out one time and she made me ask her out in front of 3 or 4 of her girlfriends. Im a shy person to begin with and working up the nerve to ask her out was hard enough, but asking her in front of her friends was a hundred times harder. I did it anyway and when I did she shot me down and they started all laughing at me. That really hurt. After I graduated school, I found out she wanted to date me then. No way would I do that. Now I dont know if she really liked me then and just let peer pressure get in the way, but she messed that up. I guess what im trying to say is that someone you know could be interested in you but they dont know how to go about letting you know. You just have to not let it bother you. Take the advice of the people above and the experiences we have already gone through and know that youre time will come. You never know, someone you already know or knew from the past may be put before you and come from out of nowhere and you two hit it off. Just be patient buddy.
I'm the same way. When I was 18everyone I knew was in a relationship but everyone told me not to worry and it will happen. Well I'm 26 now and I'm even farther away from it ever happening. I also lookat myself and I cannot think of a single good thing about me. My advice, focus on making yourself better before it is too late.
I have to admit, for a while, after that girl embarrassed me in front of her friends and me being so shy, I got girlfriends by my sister and mom setting me up with girls they knew. One girl my sister set me up with, I almost married. My dad played a part in breaking me up with her. She and I both tried to get it going again and when I made a last ditch effort at getting us back together, a little time had passed, I found out she had gotten married to someone else. I thought I would always see her one day. I found out early this summer that she passed away from cancer 7 years ago. That devastated me. What im trying to say is maybe yall could get a friend to set yall up. Once you get started dating, that will give you more confidence to get over your shyness with the opposite sex. Then one day you will find, youre not a virgin anymore.
One thing that you should consider very well is that no one will like you or will ever take your virginity unless you will love yourself first and appreciate yourself and accept your appearance and body the way you are.
And then guess what will occur when you do ?
MAGIC WILL HAPPEN ! ;)
I really don't recommend telling someone that no one will ever care aboutthem unless they accept everything about themselves.As far as I'm aware, that's not true. There's plenty of people who struggle with self-acceptance, and they still have people who love them.Also, please remember that we're here to provide support and suggestions, and not to tell someone exactly what we feel they need to do. What you think is best may not be best for them.
You are maybe talking from a more affectionate way but if you see it from a practical perspective you willdefinitelyknow that it is true:)
My best friend he have been through the same thing and what he said he learned from the same thing that self-confidence is what attracts you to people and that is what I and most people believe.
You said that I'm looking at this from an affectionate wayrather than a practical perspective.You pretty much told the original posterthatno onein the world will ever like them unless they live up to your standards and what you believe is true. I'm sorry, but that doesn't seem practical at all.
You mentioned that this is what you and most people believe. Have you asked most people?Because there are a lot of people in this world, and there is a good percentage of the population that struggles with confidence issues, and they still have people in their lives. There are tons of people who don't get turned down just because they struggle with loving themselves or accepting themselves.Just because you believe something doesn't automatically mean that the majority of the population also agrees with it.The original poster is struggling a lot, and I'm not sure if what you said is going to be helpful for them.While what you're saying could helpsome people to feel better, there is also the thoughtthat what you're saying could cause them to feel even worse about themselves.
I've struggled with self-confidenceissues in the past, and I've had people say things to me that are similar to what you've just said. And it just pulled me further into depression and caused me to have even less self-confidence.Since you're a listener, I'd really recommend reading more training guides. Because the last thing listeners should be saying to members that we're trying to support is things like, "this is what you need to do," and "this is what is true because I believe it is true," etc.
Brittany96, I totally agree with what you said. These types of answers are what someone who has no idea what youre dealing with would say. The type of responses would be something like just get over it or smile. It would be nice if it was that easy. These types of things are no joke. People really struggle with these things and dont need just careless responses to help them through.
If only it were so easy.
I'm 32 about to be 33, and I've never had sex. When someone wants something with another person, it may be easy to just to say "be confident in yourself" and "it doesn't matter what others think." It's not. Society has stigmatized virginity with being something of another planet, and it will be found out in some way. Basically, you almost have to pray that someone will accept that part of you. That's why I've set a deadline to find someone and lose my virginity by 35 or end my life, period. To the OP, I truly know your pain and struggle, and wish you nothing but the best.
Yeah, I'm in the same boat as you are. I'm not only a kiss less virgin that will die like that but I'm a loser that has no friends and never leaves the house.
Yes I completely understand how you feel, I mean we have all started from there. :)
I'm turning 20 soon and I've been through almost 4years of university, so I've had time to meet new people. I've never been kissed or even asked out. As far as I know, no one's been romantically interested in me since I was 12. There are days when I feel like I'll be alone forever. I don't know how to make you feel completely better about things, but the way I deal with it is by putting things into perspective. I don't know if this'll work for you, but I like to remember that romantic love isn't the only type of love out there. My friends are all in relationships, but they still love me too. And I just think that if I never end up with a spouse, that just means I can devote my efforts on helping people who need me, or developing myself as a person. Finding someone who'll love me that way would be great, but ultimately, there's more to life. I hope this helped :( And don't worry, you're not alone.
Hi there~ i think you dont need to rush, because there's a lot of things gonna happen to your relationship once you've slept with her...i mean, i dont only see it as a sex, but it's the way to express your love so i guess you have to be really sure about who's you're honna do it with :)
listen you dont have to rush in to sex