Is there something wrong with me?

Hi, not sure if this is the place to put this, but let me know if it's in the wrong place.

Lately, I have felt sad and unloved or unlikeable. I have two beautiful boys under the age of 10 and have wonderful parents so there's no feeling of that, just reaffirms that someone truly loves me. I would like to mention I am a single mom due to divorce a year ago, but that is of no consequence I have dealt with that and it's buried.

Christmas is coming and where I work we do a lot of good things. I get along with everyone in my department. I am friendly and kind and will help others with their work when I can. That's what we do in our department. I noticed that a co-worker who I am always nice to, I truly like everyone until you cross me, but she has never wronged me, was passing out Christmas cards. I went to my desk and I didn't have one, but everyone else did. This hurt my feelings and my friend noticed and asked her. The reply was that she didn't like me because of an incident in the past that she was not part of, but was friends with the guilty party. That incident had to do with a printer and the guilty party yelling at me and almost hitting me.

The guilty party was fired and since then the woman has been civil with me, but believes I don't deserve a Christmas card from her. There are others who just get Christmas cards for others and not the whole department. This hurts my feelings because I give everyone a Christmas card because I like them and want them to have a wonderful holiday and even if I didn't care for someone I would still give them a Christmas card because no one should ever feel left out.

I have noticed I get maybe 3 cards for Christmas from people in my department every year while others have more and think I am just a nice forgettable person.

Sometimes I wonder if I talk too much or say the wrong thing. Maybe I talk too loud or am annoying. I am approachable and friendly, just don't understand why I am always left out.

This also stems from my relationships with my extended family ony mom's side. When they visit or I visit them I am excluded from adult conversation because I have to watch the kids. Mine are 8 and 4 and my cousin's son will be 13 next year. Not that I don't mind watching my kids because they are very entertaining, but I would like to talk to an adult besides my mom.

I have been known as the black sheep or weirdo in the family because of my tastes in literature (i.e. paranormal or vampires) although I have a wide range of what I like to read, tastes in music, movies, and even TV. They don't play video games so they can't criticize me there. My mom says to ignore them and I do, but around the holidays when they complain about the list I make for what I want or the chocolate I make for them, it feels like I am worthless or unnecessary.

I am not a mat you can walk all over, but a human being with feelings. I just wish people would understand me before they judge me. I want people to like me for who I am and that the simplest gesture is all you need to make me smile. I am a simple person and just think not hurtful that others don't think of someone's else's feelings when it comes to Christmas. I mean how do you know that won't spiral them into a depression or just lose their Christmas spirit and just stop caring about others?

I try to keep such a spirit alive because my Grandpa who has been dead for 10 years loved this holiday. He did a lot for his family, friends, and when he worked his co-workers. He also helped out those less fortunate because he had been poor until his kids were nearly out of the house. He and my grandma had four kids and he did the best he could especially around Christmas.

I just wish people today had that spirit like my Grandpa. In case anyone is wondering I am 38 and am an only child and sometimes I wonder because of that I am a bit awkward with conversations.

Just wondering what I could do to make this sadness go away and start caring again instead of going through the motions.

Thank you for listening.