My relationship is hanging on by a thread
Hi all. I guess I just need to vent a little...
I've been married for 14 years and have 2 kids.
I have always had communication issues with my husband. He is self-centered and I'm a people pleaser. It all went “well" until our parenting styles started to clash.
I loved him. Now I can only feel resentment. We went to couples therapy 6 years ago. It got better for a while. Now with the second child, it's much worse.
The "easy" solution would be the divorce. But that would imply that the kids would stay with him for 2 weeks each month. I can't bear the thought of missing half of my children's lives and the thought of the negligent life they would have in those weeks.
Thanks to whoever created this space. I would never say this out loud
I don't have any lived experience to share that is similar to yours, but I read your post and I hear you. I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling with this. I hope that you find peace. 🌻
@SerendipityNY Thank you 🙏
@neatTree3335
it is a relief to get those thoughts out of your head huh?
it is always a very different dilemma for everyone... and it is not the easy choice in reality to divorce but will be the easy suggestion from others... because they are not going through it. you never have to explain to anyone why you chose to stay or go.
do you think things started to not go well when you pulled away from the people pleaser mode when it came to kids.? .. it will be a tough road no matter what you decide. compromise and standing your ground is hard for a person who made things easy for him to get his way
AS a former people pleaser when i broke that in me and do not cave to partners own whims he was confused and surprised that he had to change too....... he pouts still but knows it does not always go his way like it may have in a long time ago
@toughTiger6481
Thank you for your kind words.
Yes, I think it all started with me using my voice when it came to children.
He is now in therapy after I begged him, in an attempt for him to control his angry outbursts. But, in reality, he uses the sessions to tell the therapist just how wonderful his progress is on his path to self-knowledge. And then he comes home to yell at me every time I try to make myself heard, and at the kids when he gets frustrated with me.
As a result of my childhood with a narcissistic mother, I go from being a people pleaser to screaming for survival very quickly. And my children have to deal with this daily. But the alternative still seems worse to me.
Thank you for "listening" 🤗