Situationship Stress

I really don't know what to do. I've been in an on and off situationship since February of this year and it's killing me.

To make it clear, he is the one that wants a situationship and I have told him time and time again that it's absolutely not what I want. I get really emotional about this and we argue a lot about it. I feel really devalued simply because he doesn't want to commit to me. I asked him why, what's wrong with me? He said there is nothing wrong with me and that if we lived in the same city he would be in a relationship with me but because of distance he won't. He says he doesn't want to lose me. I know in my heart that these words are empty. I know he is simply reusing lines that every emotionally unavailable person uses but still I can't let go. Still I dumb brain hopes he will change his mind one day.

We have broken up and gone no contact before. That concept is not new to us but always someone calls or messages and everything starts again. The cycle feels endless and completely hopeless. I know in my heart he will never choose me but still I continue. I don't know what to do.

Since he had made it clear for months and months that a relationship was not on the cards I tried going on dates and even had a few hookups. I told him each time just to be honest because we are still seeing each other and sleeping together. He says he is okay with it for the most part, he says he doesn't like it but he acknowledges that he has no right to say anything about it because that was the choice he made. But now I realise if I try and bring something up that I'm not happy with in our situationship he brings up my hookups to basically say that I have no right to feel this way because I do blah blah. I feel so stuck. I need to talk about these issues but I know exactly what he's going to say. 

An example for this is last night we were talking and he was chatting to someone else. We were talking about personal things so I asked who is so important that he can't give me his full attention. I quickly followed saything nevermind it's none of my business. He asked if I was jealous and I honestly answered yes. I'm not ashamed to admit I was jealous. Then 2 seconds later he told me he was talking to his ex. His mother is sick so he was asking her if he could give her a specific type of medicine. I was so upset because since we are only situationship it felt like a detail that he only mentioned to poke at me cruelly and get a reaction. He continued to say that he just wanted to be honest with me and that there was no reason to be jealous because she has a new boyfriend. But I questioned why he couldn't just google the question he asked her. So what did he do? He said,, B you go on *** dates and hookup with guys (for the record I went on one date and we hooked up once during the time that our situationship was off). And with that I felt like my feelings were completely devalued. I'm so stuck and I don't know how to get out. 

I know the answer is clear but I don't feel strong enough. I'm so emotionally exhausted. Please help :')