Terrible Communicators
First post ever, please be kind. Me and my partner have been together for 10 years since, I was 19. I love him and I think he loves me, but we are both terrible communicators. We have never had a fight, we both keep everything inside and locked away emotionally. He has extreme self esteem issues and is his own worst enemy (I try my best to reassure how great he is) and I am terrified with speaking my mind with anything that I desire or dislike within our relationship. Before we met I had this idea of what sort of partner I would want in life, someone who is affectionate and intimate with some romance.(Typical female I know) But as the classic saying goes you dont chose who you fall in love with, it just happens. He has numerously said throughout the relationship that he is not a romantic affectionate guy however he makes me laugh, we have great chemistry and he has a heart of gold, I cant help but think have I wasted time secretly holding on to hope that he may change the affectionate side? Is it normal to keep going through the relationship being polite and kind to each other. Is it healthy? We also have had issues with our sex life over the past 10 years due to his teenage past of using recreational drugs which have given him short performance issues, which has turned intimacy into a negative atmosphere on many occasions. He refuses to see any doctors for any help and it is a very touchy subject, which is completely understandable. Its very difficult because I feel I have a high sex drive and crave intimacy, but I dont show it because he is not the same. Has anyone been in a similar situation before? I really do believe we love each other but its as if we speak different love languages. Any advice out there?
@Daydream22 Hey, I don't know what to tell you. I am single, and 43 years old female. I recently met a guy and, as for you, he is really not my ideal. The only difference is this has only been going on for a few months. I know I care about him, but, I am used to being single, and it's fine, it's not the end of the world; I can relate to what you are saying somewhat, I have to say that sex is not everything in a relationship, but if you are not emotionally connected or well enough, I feel it does affect sex life in a lot of ways. I wish I could spend more time responding, I have go to now since I have to work. But, maybe think if you might want to take some time alone and single. There is nothing wrong with that. Also, you are still very young to decide what you want, and there are many things to be interested in aside from having a relationship which drains you! Hope this helps