What i can do?
My ex gf of 2 weeks wants us to be friends, because she said that she really dont want to lose me, she ended our relationship because i mistreated her to the point that she really wanted to end things with me and dont want to be together forever, but at the same time she really wants to be friends, the thing is that i want to be together with her, but as lovers, if my objective doesn't make true then i said her that i dont want to talk to her ever, that is the main problem, the 2 of us wants to be together, but in a different way, really, i dont think that i will be able to be friends with her because i am afraid that i get atached with her, i confess my feelings to her and she rejects me, and the idea of seeing her with someone if we are friends is a idea that will make me very sad, now that i am alone, i have to think about me and i cant do that unless she promises that we will be together, but she cant do that, we agreed that we will have some time far from each other and see if we can start from 0, but with the probability that we can become friends or lovers
@gregariousMelon6267 From what I'm hearing, it seems like your focus is only on you and what you want, how you want, when you want. It is a common thing in younger males until some life experience and maturity allows you to put yourself in other's position, and actually listen and understand how that person feels. Because often we say we understand, but what we mean is I heard you say a string of words in a sentence but I'm not actually taking the time to truly understand. I just want to get to the part where I tell you you're wrong and you should do what I want. She wants to be friends. That's what she wants. You want to be lovers. But you can't be lovers without being friends or you're just sexual partners with no real concern or responsibility to each other. But you can't be friends if you're going to demand you get way, much less when you want it and AFTER you've mistreated her.
Work on being a better a boyfriend. Because you're not getting her back the same way you lost her.
Thats is a good point, but my objective to be lovers has to be assured, she can't assure me that she will try again, and i cant do through that, because it causes me a lot of pain to be with her without being lovers, i dont have the obligation to put me in the perspective of her, because well, our relationship is dead, and now i have to focus in me only, because thats is the healthy thing to do, i understand what she told me, but i just cant do that, because i have to see a way in which i can feel happy, a reward for treating her like a friend after we break up, and yes, i think that i am a better boyfriend now because i talked to a counselor an he said me that i have to see how i can benefit for having an interaction with her, 2 days ago i thought about why i should see her as a friend and i just found no reason for that, she only wants me in her life actively, she even go to the point saying that i am fleeing about this, like fleeing in this situation is bad, it really isn't, is just a way to heal my pain and to be honest, it really works for me, i feel good than the last weekend, but i, just dont want to be in her life anymore in the way she likes, because i dont see it good for me and yeah, we cant be even friends if she demands me to, yeah i mistreated her, i acknowledge that, but i worked hard with my counselor to be better, really, i worked very hard to be better, and now, i dont see her in my life in anyway unless as a partner
@gregariousMelon6267
So tell her you can’t be friends with her. Honestly, if you only keep her in your life with the hope of some day being her partner again then that’s not genuine friendship any how.
Also, I absolutely agree with what the above poster has said - If you are constantly concerned with your own wants and needs only, this is never healthy for relationships. At some point relationships will always require compromise. If you can’t bring yourself to put your partner’s needs before your own [occasionally], then how will you be able to sustain a relationship with someone else (anyone else, not just your ex), to make them happy?
If you only think of your partner as a means of elevating yourself, of seeing them as a tool to supply your needs, they will always feel ‘mistreated’ by you; they will always feel they are less in your company. You will see that as long as you have selfish motivations for having relationships, the relationships will always be filled with conflict.
But this is something you have to learn through experience. Counseling is good for identifying your issues. But you have to be humble enough to learn the lessons from your experiences.
CatsInTheCradle
I learned a lot through this experience, she is no longer my partner, yeah, i have that wish, but at the same time she had the wish to be her friend even though i said her that if we break up, i will never talk to her, yes, that is not a genuine friendship, but at the end of the day i have to look up for myself, yeah, i will compromise to the relationship if we agree with that, but she doesn't want to, i never saw her as a way of elevating myself, i just say that because is the best solution for our desires, my desire to be together again and her desire to keep me in her life, migth be egocentric, but at the end of the day i have to see for my mental sanity, and i really can't be friends with her, not now and never, she break up with me, yeah, she did it for herself, thing that i really liked but at the end of the day her decisions have consequences and i told her about it when we were together i put myself in her position, and that is bad because i stopped thinking about me and i started thinking about us (when our relationship died), and that is unhealthy, because there isn't an us anymore, just me and her, we are over and thats it, i learned a lot in counseling, and see the type of problems i have, i have been humble with her, trying to be friends but it only lasted 3 days because i cant do that, i really cant, the pain takes over me and i cant even eat in a healthy way because iam very sad, and yes, i will tell her that we cant be friends, not with words, but with actions, i am ready to compromise completely with the relationship, only if my requirements are meet, because by the end of the day, i want to be with her, if my desires are not meet, then is over forever
