Being in love with the right person but wrong time
She's a coworker, and we are having a perfect time together, it's a chemistry I never felt before. We complete each other when it comes to literally every single thing, our ideas and thoughts are entirely alike. I make her laugh really hard all day and I have to say, seeing her laugh is peaceful and beautifully perfect. She is so kind and a loving person, her voice is sweet and delicate and her heart is so pure, naive, and filled with love. We never run out of subjects to talk about, we lose the sense of time when we are having those talks, and we sometimes have those moments when we look deep into each other's eyes disguising ourselves shyly. It's been a while (6-7 months) and the feeling strengthens as time passes. We do everything together at work and she shows that she wants to be close to me and so do I. She's someone whom I always have dreamed of, this is cliche but I am 100% sure that I won’t find anyone who matches with me as she does, which is completely desperate. I can tell that I am someone whom she always wanted as well, but... she's married and I totally respect that, I never hit on her and those moments just happen, I never think about doing them because it's everything so natural. She sometimes says that her marriage is not going really well because of tons of things and she mentions that they are entirely different from each other, but at the same time I don't see them breaking up, those problems that they are having are just problems that almost every couple have to go through... She complains about him saying that he's been doing something that is really not good for her, making her suffer, worry, and wonder if he still cares about her, but then he suddenly does something showing that he still cares, he buys her things, he asks her out and so on. Again, I never did something to damage their marriage because that's not like me. They won't break up and that's completely painful. I feel like a monster for liking someone married but I didn't choose it, I just feel it and if I had a choice, I would choose not to feel it. I am so angry at the world for being an unfair place, for example, she always wants to be treated like a princess because she is so delicate, she wants you to be patient with her, understand her feelings and with a light tom o voice because she is so emotional and sensitive and I understand her because I am almost the exact same way. I won't do anything but wait, and one thing I know for sure: I would wait hundreds of years for her and I wouldn't regret it.
@lovingEast2093
Hi, I’m sorry that you are dealing with a “right person, wrong time situation”. That can be really painful and tough to cope with. You’re not alone and your feelings are valid. Since she’s married, you should do whatever is best for you mentally. Whether that means continuing to be close friends, or distancing yourself if it is too painful for you.
Wishing you the best, take care!
@lovingEast2093 sorry that happened but I am sure you'll find someone else who is actually single because married people should always be off-limits if they're not getting divorced
My friend, right now, it's an emotional affair no matter how you look at it. I respect your self control and discipline not to potentially ruin a marriage. If you stay true to yourself, naturally there will be some grieving, but it's for the right reasons...however, please read 🙏.
Limerence...that's what this sounds like.
The 3 stages are:
Stage 1-Infatuation. You're a new interest, and possibly a much better option than what he or she has at home, hence she treats you perfect and you treat her perfect. LOTS of time spent together.
Stage 2-Crystallization (i.e. a perfect life is in the picture, he or she says and truly feels ("It's true love, I want you to be my life partner, we were so meant to be")
Stage 3-Deterioration (i.e. eventually won't want to pick up phone calls, sleep together, spend time together, or even say "I love you"). The chemicals in the brain settle down, but by then, much too much damage may be done.
Here's
some podcasts you can listen to by yourself first and then have her listen to it also for a better understanding or see if
it's even relevant to what may be possibly going on in your and her heart and mind. It may
not apply in your situation. Are there kids in the picture?
I ran across these podcasts only
because my wife left almost 3yrs ago, but for her, reasons were
different, it definitely wasn't Limerence, but still puzzling to me. So I found marriagehelper.com
https://marriagehelper.com/three-stages-madly-love-limerence-dr-joe-show-podcast/
https://marriagehelper.com/the-first-stage-of-limerence-podcast/
https://marriagehelper.com/the-second-stage-of-limerence-podcast/
https://marriagehelper.com/the-third-stage-of-limerence-podcast/
@G01ngPaga1,
it's not an emotional affair.
@dukeofdearham
If you feel it's not, then it's not. Click on the either of the 1st two links in my post and listen for only 10-15 minutes.
If I'm wrong, then my apologies for sure. I know and realize this app is to help and support one another and not to shame or hammer down on anyone.
Please, let me know what your thoughts after reading this post again and listen to a piece of the podcast(s). Take care.
@G01ngPaga,
one should be careful to label a connection "emotional relationship".
And I know by experience what it is. I stand my ground.