Cant find anyone I'm really into
A couple months ago, I hopped back into dating and was feeling pretty good about myself, but the more I do it, the more my motivation gets drained. I went on a date recently, didnt feel a connection. Ive talked with mutiple new people, even if it got somewhere i always kind of lost interest as i got to know them. My matches on dating sites and stuff are pretty slim, not because im ugly or anything like that, (I've actually been told my whole life im much more attractive than average) but because i rarely like anyone. Most people just aren't "my type", and almost everyone i see now, regardless of how attractive i think they are at face value, i just cant see myself with for life. I have an idea of who i want it my head, but i just cant find that person. There was one girl i met on ***. Things were going great, until they werent. It just didnt work out, but she was the closest thing I'd ever felt to real love. I just haven't felt that connection ever since. Sorry for this long post, but i could use any kinda help you guys can give, i dont really know what to do, i feel more alone than ive ever felt.
You can't find it. It finds you. I was talking to someone on a dating site for four months before we met. I didn't particularly want to meet them, nothing about our messages made me like them. Then we met and I felt that connection immediately. Maybe when you meet people you shouldn't be thinking what it would be like spending the rest of your life with them. That question you should only ask yourself after you've known someone a long time.
@passionateSkies5431. I can relate to your situation. I have yet to meet any of my past matches due to anxiety or realizing they weren't a good fit. But don't worry, things will eventually work out. Keep your spirits up!
Hi PS,
Waiting for 'our' person can be so exhausting. Even if we have a good connection with someone, it might not cultivate into a relationship leaving us feeling more empty.
Forcing ourselves to try more people just for the sake of it could feel so dry.
I think when we have a clarity on what are we looking for in a partner and specifically what not and ofcourse it is at the depth level not just at the superficial level, anything other than that would feel tasteless. Its either the right one or none. This ofcourse narrows the chances but allows only the real connections which I think is what one is looking for. It is a reflection on self growth as well.
I personally believe the more we run after something, the farther it gets from us. Its best to let the universe bring them to us. Patience is never the sweetest but so what! Why to be afraid of something not sweet.
If one wants to ride the dating wagon, rather than pursuing someone, it's more interesting to see what kind of people one attracts, being one's true self and if they realise the things don't match, allowing them to walk away with a smile. It is a game to be played with zero expectations. Would be like a no gain no loss kind of situation.
PS : humans are overrated, get a dog (it can be most fulfilling) 😊😊
I dont want an animal, i want to know its possible for me to be loved by someone else
@passionateSkies5431. um it may just happen later in life not right now i don't think anyone here can answer that
You keep searching until you find what you’re looking for. If you are certain that you already know what your ideal partner looks like, then it’s simply a matter of committing to the process, sifting through all the people out there, until you find her. After all, the more specific your criteria, the more narrow the possible matches become, and therefore you should expect she will be more challenging to find.
One thing to consider though. Some people believe in “The one” - that love is about destiny, that there is a perfect match, soul mate, someone who will complete us somewhere out there in the universe.
Other people believe that love is not about “destiny”, but about individual efforts, personal sacrifice and compromise. The difference between these two people is that those who believe in soul mates can sometimes become disillusioned with romance when challenges arise in their relationships; while those who believe love is about compromises are more prepared to adapt and better acclimatise to situations that don’t meet their expectations. In short, rigid idealism can sometimes hinder people in romance, and if our hearts are closed to possibility, we might prevent ourselves from truly appreciating the opportunities that are all around us that we might notice if we weren’t focussed on our disappointment.
Trust the process. The challenge and commitment is what makes it worthwhile. We do not appreciate the things that come too easily. When you find her, the person you have been searching for; and you feel that sense of satisfaction, it will come from anticipation, from the knowledge that all your efforts and striving were leading to that moment. There will be many people who are wrong for you, but understanding and experiencing how they are wrong is conducive to understanding and appreciating how your partner is right for you when you find each other.
CatsInTheCradle
