Dating help please

Hi

So I’ve been seeing this girl for about 3 months now. She is 19 and I’m 34 so there is an age gap. About a month ago she got extremely cold feet about where we were heading and everything, started telling me she didn’t see us going anywhere, and couldn’t see her introducing me to her family because of the age difference etc. we had a big falling out and every time I gave her the chance to walk away she couldn’t. The next day we patched things up slightly big it wasn’t until a few days later, after she got speaking g to a co worker about her fears and doubts, mixed in with an awkward encounter with me, she asked the cops worker of ours why that was awkward, to which the co worker told her that I was giving her space. She freaked out about this and later that eve I g spent hours opening up to me and revealing that she was scared and didn’t want me to hurt her and she apologised for all the things she said, acknowledging that they weren’t fair on me and that if she ever pulled away again to tell her to shut up and stop being dramatic.

anyway, since then things were going great, sexual, cuddling after sex, telling me how happy she is with me etc, acting like we are in a relationship without any of us actually bringing it up. She is very emotionally cold and doesn’t like to show her emotions, she does things but will not say things, even telling me she likes me she has to do over message due to shyness.

about a week ago I noticed a drop off in the amount of messages being sent and the lack of context in them. Yet she would still call me and want to be on the phone with me and that. After I noticed her pulling back away again and going distant I decided to mirror her behaviour a bit. The other night I asked her if there was a reason we seemed distant and she just replied no. I decided to leave it and then had no intention of reaching back out to her unless she was to do it to me. Fast forward to earlier tonight and due to us both working at the same place I had little choice but to see her as she gave me a lift Into work. There was a bit of tension but I just kind of shrugged it off as though I weren’t bothered. When she was back at home and I was at work she then messages me asking to pick me up, and she turns up with her gay friend, in what I assume was a way to ease any of the tension. Which I was a bit frustrated with because I wanted to try and speak to her alone. But she also bought me a random little gift during the couple hours I was at work. Anyway, I just got out the car and said goodbye and thanks for the lift and she proceeded to message me when she got home not long after, which is her slipping back into wanting to talk to me again. A few brief messages and I addressed that we should sort out the tension between us. She starts to play dumb and pretend there isn’t any tension etc and I just leave it at that again. Before she is about to sleep she messages me again asking if I still have anything else to say. I basically say unless she tells me what’s on her mind then I can’t say much to her. This eventually leads her to rehash the “I just don’t want anything serious” she previously said about a month ago. You see, I believe it but I also don’t believe it at the same time, because she said this before and within days she quickly started to change her tune and pursue me like crazy.

everything we have been doing this last month has been in the same way as a boyfriend/girlfriend would be. We don’t just have sex and then she quickly gets up and goes, she stays and cuddles in bed, when we are out she will grab hold of my hand despite her admitting to me before that she hates all that public affection stuff, she’ll hug me when I’m walking her back to her car, she’ll buy me random little gifts out of nowhere, she’ll accuse me of only wanting her for sex in a jokey but also semi serious way. What I’m saying is that there is definitely more between us than just sex, I don’t know if the age difference has reared back up into her thinking again or something. Will a woman’s emotions towards her guy typically swing up and down on a week to week basis? It’s almost exactly to the month that it’s happened before, and I’m sure about a month before that too.

i have told her tonight that I’m not desperate for is to be in a relationship and I’m happy to continue as nothing serious. I do like this girl quite a lot and there is definitely something there from her end too because she struggles to let me go, because I don’t think she really wants to, and I do want to keep seeing her.

I have to see her at work tomorrow, so I’m just going to be my normal self and gauge how much or how little attention she gives me, I’m not gunna chase her attention, and I’ll see from there. If she continues to be distant should I completely match her behaviour? If she warms back up to us continuing should I be very casual with her, make out that I couldn’t care less about us only being casual (even though I do care), to see if she will realise what a great guy she will miss out on, do I flat out tell her, “I want to be. In a relationship with you, I don’t want friendship, so if you change your mind get in touch” or do I simply send her a screen shot of her last messages where she has told me to tell her to shut up if she pulls away again and starts “acting dramatic” in her words?