Help
My boyfriend got a new job in another state and asked me to move with him so I did. We've been living together for 7 months now and pretty much out of the blue he told me yesterday that he wants me to pack all my stuff up and move back home. He said he can't guarantee he won't regret it and he'll miss me but he's overwhelmed with work and everything and he thinks being alone is going to help him. I'm extremely stressed out and sad. Not only do I have no where to return to, but I don't have the financial means to just move across the states again so soon and honestly I just don't want to be uprooted from my home. It's my home too. We haven't been fighting, there are not other people involved, he admitted I make life easier for him with helping with payments and chores. I'm just really confused and I desperately need some advice. I'm taking a vacation from my job in a week and he wants me to just pack up all my things and move back during that time. His only reasoning he gives me is that he's too stressed out and overwhelmed with having a new career and moving and he hasn't been able to work on our relationship so he said he'd be better alone. A couple of years after we first started dating he broke up with me out of the blue saying he didn't see a future with me, but then within a year we got back together and he told me he wanted a future with me. I told him I didn't want to go through this again and yet here we are now. I don't know what I should do , or how to approach this situation. I asked him if he's just going to change his mind if I move back and he said probably. But this is an expensive and extremely emotional thing to do on a whim. I can't just keep dropping and picking up jobs randomly so I'm where he wants me to be. I also just spent a lot of money and time and energy getting the new state license and plates and car insurance. But I can't afford to just get an apartment here on my own. One bedrooms here are too expensive by myself. But I don't have a place back where we were either. And I don't have a job there so I'm worried if I move back and get a place I won't find work fast enough and I won't be able to pay bills. And then he'll just say he misses me and made a mistake and wants me to move back across America to be with him. I also have our cat, so I would have to uproot our pet and upset him by moving. I'm so stressed I can't sleep and I have no idea what I should do.
I wish i could help
I appreciate you reaching out even though you can't help. It honestly at least makes me feel heard
@Strawberries3694 Can you get an apartment with roommates in the city you are now to be able to afford it? Maybe ask around at your job if anyone is looking for roommates/offering a cheap room?
I am sorry you are dealing with this. He sounds very flakey and not the most communicative/considerate to you. Have you tried telling him how this all makes you feel?
I'm still fairly new to this location so no one I know is looking for an apartment and I don't know a lot of people. He had me tell me family and friends about this and then claimed he didn't want me to talk to other people about it and I didn't give us an opportunity to discuss it ourselves. Which I don't think is true. He is now saying he will miss me and that he thinks I should just stay with him. But I said there is no point in staying if he is just going to want me to leave again in the near future. And he said it's too far away so he can't promise that. I think it's for the best I just assume it's over and I should leave
@Strawberries3694 Yeah honestly I feel you deserve better than this guy. Your relationship should be a partnership where both people make decisions together and are considerate of each other, especially when you are asking for something big from your partner like moving to another state, getting a new place, etc.There are ways to ask for space or more alone time in a relationship more maturely than just kicking your partner out abruptly like that. *hugs* I hope you are able get some support from family or friends or at least listeners on here.
Personally I have always lived with random roommates I found on craigslist or roommates.com. It's not always a good match but worked for me as I moved a lot as a student and needed cheap rent. Idk if that helps, but I wish you the best in finding a better situation.