Help with managing negative feelings
Hello!
Two years ago, I was going out with a guy. The first date was great, and we planned a second one. However, I messed up during the second date by arriving 20 minutes late, being sweaty since I tend to sweat easily, and having my hands shake a bit. The fact that the guy commented on these things, saying that I should work on myself to stop being anxious because it is off-putting to the other person, made things worse and I couldn't relax and be myself during the date. At the end of the date, he told me that I should find someone else who would be okay with being with me, which made me feel really bad about myself.
A few days ago, I learned that this person is now in a relationship, and I keep having thoughts that if I had been better during the date, things might have been different between us. The fact that I still feel bad even though two years have passed makes me feel even worse about myself.
How do I come to terms with my feelings?
I'm sorry the second date was not a positive one but he actually did you a favour by showing his true negative colours early on.
The universal thought is that most people are nervous about dates. We all want to make a great impression but sometimes, we get tongue tied or spill something, trip over (I am a world famous clutz) 😁
But a gentleman would understand, he will make you laugh and feel at ease. He would share his own flaws and say, you know what, You're all good, me I can't even spell my own name....
So I might get ahead of it and say, I'm excited to get to know you but to be honest, I'm also a lil shy so please bear with me, I'll be more comfortable as the date progresses :)
Embrace being you and focus on your strengths. Don't let anyone tear you down, you're amazing 🤩
@ScrabbleBrain Thank you very much for your reply! I'm a clutz too so I can relate to you. The truth is that his words and the feeling that he was evaluating me made me feel worse during the date. I know that I should embrace myself but situations like this make me feel bad about myself. If you don't mind me asking how have you been able to build such a positive attitude towards your clumsiness?
@discreetBlackberry9000 Good question. All my life, I've been surrounded by negativity, critiques and put downs.
It's really tough not to let that sink in, sometimes I might actually. Other times I realise, I worked every day to spin my thoughts around.
Instead of Oh you're bad at this and this is not your strength... I thought Stop that brain, we aren't going to go there.
I may not be accomplished at so and so but either I'll work on it or focus on something I am good at. What I like about myself is.......
So it wasn't a quick fix really. It took many many years and for me writing it all out, reading it back. I can see the good and the bad objectively.
Whilst people around me focused on my bad side, I focused on my attributes and the thought that I want to make others feel good and that is a great boost :)
