I am bumming my boyfriend out... Please help me.
Hello, it is my first post here... I am really needing some advice. For starters, I have some mental health issues, and I’ve had them since I was 7yrs old due to trauma. My boyfriend is very aware of this, and he has (earlier in the relationship) told me he would be there for me to help me through things if I needed it. But, here recently he has been getting pretty irritated and bummed out any time I tell him about my issues, which he told me before he would be there to help me with. He is in a good mental state, he rarely has issues so I do not know what is wrong.. or if I am being selfish.. but it feels like I cannot talk to him about anything, because all it does is bum him out and he doesn’t want to talk to me about it. It’s very discouraging and I’m very lost on what to do, or say. Thank you for reading.. I can provide additional information if it’s needed...
@littlemouse7777 maybe its best you don't talk to him about it since he is getting irritated I would suggest seeing a professional at this point baggage can ruin a relationship if not solved properly.
I am sad to hear this. But can u please tell me more about the trauma if possible?
Wow, this is almost exactly what I am going through .... I have been super depressed lately and experiencing PTSD and my mood swings are lashing out on my boyfriend and he just can’t handle it. He told me that I can’t expect him to make me happy and I can’t try to find happiness from him because he is trying to make himself happy... I mean, I guess he is right but it’s just hard to hear. Now I don’t feel comfortable being vulnerable around him. This is why I found this app actually to try and find other people to vent too.
@littlemouse7777 Sorry to hear you are struggling with this. I agree with others that it would be good to see a professional as well as try any other coping skills that work for you such as mindfulness, peer support, etc.
It's good you've been able to be so open to him, but sometimes people can struggle with "compassion fatigue". I know you don't want to lose that sense of trust with him but it takes a balance in my opinion of also sharing positive things, doing fun activities together and also listening to his struggles in return. I wish you the best of luck in working through this.
@littlemouse7777
It's pretty clear that when he said he would help you through them, he likely envisioned that he'd support you getting the help you need and be there to help you deal with those issues, but not be the person that helps you repair those issues. It's a matter of perception. I'm sure that in some ways, he wishes that he could fix those for you, but he cannot. Why? He isn't trained to do that, and that is actually ok and not a bad thing.
The people we love in our lives, friends, family, and boyfriend/girlfriend - husband/wife are not equipped to handle mental health issues the way a trained and licensed practitioner is, given that a specialist has years of experience and appropriate training helping someone through very traumatic issues from their past and helping them navigate life with coping methods and mental tools to help someone have a healthy life and mental outlook.
Do not allow your past trauma to infect your relationship with him because it can and will, appears to have already started the process. The responsibility for seeking the necessary help that you need is yours. He can STILL support you, but not be the fix-it person to help you through or help you with coping methods, because he can mean well, but is not equipped.
So, the frustration you see from him when you try to describe your past trauma is exhaustion and also frustration because he feels as if he doesn't know what to say or do to help you, and that is NORMAL because he can't. He probably cares deeply for you and wants things to get better, but doesn't know how.
Take the steps to address your own mental health by seeking a qualified professional and do so before it causes more pain in your present relationship. Based on what you wrote, it's clear you care deeply for him and he probably feels the same for you - so, seek the help you need so that you can begin the process of repairing your relationship with him and the both of you can start seeing improvements in communication, connection, and hopefully work together to a healthier situation.