Idk what to do
So I’m in a complicated relationship and it’s been pretty rough. I don’t really know what to do at this point. I know in this relationship I’m a problem, He’s a very talkative person and outgoing and I’m pretty much an introvert and he doesn’t like that I’m quite and that I don’t really try to participate with his friends cause I don’t know them like he does so it’s kinda hard cause of how I am with being an introvert lol. I also moved out of state to be with him because a month after we were official he told he plans to move back to his home state so i decided to just go with him cause I didn’t really have much going for home, fast forward 7 months later he finished college and we move and it’s been rough. My communication skills are not very good and I’m not good at showing my emotions because I don’t want them to get in the way of how the other person feels. For example he wants to go somewhere but I don’t really want to but he seems very excited to go so I end up going along even though I didn’t want to but I just love seeing them happy but I ruin it because I get in this mood and ruin because of the fact I don’t want to be there…
So we’ve talked about my problems and I’ve been telling him, when we can afford it I really want to go see a therapist to help me with these very important problems to make our relationship healthy and I want to fix the introvert problems, you know, get better at communicating and expressing myself and not bottle up everything and to be more involved with his friends and join in on the conversation because I care about this man very much and I want to do everything I can and improve myself for him. And then we had a fight and agreed to go on a break but still act like a couple and that he would help me see a therapist and once we could afford but a few days ago I messed up and now he wants to end things but idk what to do. I want to better myself and see a therapist to help with my problems and he’s willing to give me the time and help but now idk if he is anymore. I just don’t know what to do… I feel like we moved in to quickly also but idk. I’m just confused and lost and trying to figure things out.
It seems like your doing your best to try and seek help for your social anxiety. While i think this is a great step to take for yourself, it definitely shouldnt be done for him.
the first issue i feel needs to be addressed is his lack of understanding when it comes to your social battery, everyone has one, you, me and even him. If he were to be constantly putting on a face for people he wasnt fully comfortable with yet he would also get drained quickly, however since these are his friends in question and it is not a stressful position for him to be in it seems he lacks the empathy to see why you may not be as excited as him or match his energy when going out with friends. I think this is something you have to sit down and discuss. Approach him gently and tell him “hey babe, lately ive felt i have lacked the energy to socialize and i would appreciate if you could spend a little more time alone with me to recharge together” or “i feel uncomfortable around your friends still and would love if you could help me get more comfortable with them by including me more, that way i can make steps to open up and practice my social skills”. These are just ideas, maybe they could help him realize that you feeling nervous or awkward reflects in how you act.
as for the second issue, me and my partner also moved in fast and young, i think it’s definitely a challenge if you arent ready however it shouldnt get in the way of your health or how you both care for eachother. Finances can be especially stressful but he could atleast help look for an affordable therapy option if money is an issue to show you he is concerned about you and that your mental health is a priority. His main job as your partner is to be supportive and compassionate and from your last paragraph he sounds neither supportive nor compassionate towards your needs. While i dont think thats grounds for me to tell you to leave him, i do hope you consider how important this is to you. Are you okay with how he is responding to your feelings and this situation? Do you expect change or can you deal with the possibility of things staying the way they are? Do you feel like youve been emotionally neglected or hurt? Is he making your anxiety with being extroverted better or worse?
this definitely seems like things you need to communicate to him and if you already have and he doesnt seem to grasp the importance of your feelings, maybe you could start to look for ways out. Remember your feelings are VALID and they arent STUPID. He also needs to be mature about this, having “breaks” is never healthy for any relationship and doesnt help solve problems. It just leaves a lot of unmended wounds and issues that will continue to pile up. While he isnt accountable for how you feel, he should atleast think selflessly about how his choices may affect you and your future relationship.