I don‘t know what to do
My boyfriend and me are in a long distance relationship and to be honest it has been very hard especially since his life has been very hard for him. We‘ve been together for almost 6 months and at the beginning we talked every day. For the past 3 months he has been disappearing, sometimes for a week and sometimes for a month. Then he comes back, we talk for 2 days and we‘re back at the beginning. I tried talking to him but right now i just feel like i‘m being boring and he doesn’t care about my feelings. The problem is that i don’t know if he loves me. I think he does but he won’t show it and he won’t change, not even a little bit. I can also understand why he doesn’t want to talk to me because i can be very shy and i really care about his opinion on me so i don’t really talk much. So i broke up for third time now and i still just want to be with him and want to know the truth but i can’t. How do i make up for being a jerk without it looking like i‘m chasing him? The reason why i feel guilty is that something terrible happened to him and that’s why he didn’t call or text the last time and i really don’t want him to feel lonely and hurt right now. The problem is that i know that if i called him he would ignore me. What am i supposed to do?
@intellectualJet8204
Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. Long distance relationship can definitely be rough because it can bring a lot of anxiety and uncertainty. I can tell that during the beginning the both of you were on the honeymoon phase, so at that moment it was when both sides are infatuated with each other. He began to pull away after 3 months because he couldn't handle the closeness and connection a relationship brings, so he will do/say things to push you away.
The way he disappears and appears as if nothing happens it's quite rude and disrespectful to the relationship you two have, and it should a major red flag/deal breaker. His inconsistent ways will make you go through high & lows, filled with a lot of anxiety and then it's going to make you question if you did the right thing or not. He disappears you feel hurt and upset, and when he comes back it is where you feel this great excitement to have him around. You have to be very careful with this because your unconcious seems to be highly attracted to people who are inconsistent, unpredictable, don't share much of their feelings, lack communication skills and can't handle closeness.
I understand you love and care about him, but it's so important to also take care of yourself. He has shown you a lack of empathy and consideration for how you feel. Relationships shouldn't be so inconsistent and unpredictable because it can easily make a person feel disconnected and hurt. I hope you are make a decision that best fits you moving forward.