I'm Scared to Talk to My Girlfriend

My girlfriend and I met in a hobby DND server. At the time we met, I was very naïve about relationships. I caught feelings for her early on and told her, even though I knew she was seeing someone. She let me down, but did admit that she loved me and that if she would have said yes if she could. Almost half a year later, she and her partner split.

Before we started dating, she always had my back. If someone in the game was giving me a hard time, she’d defend me without hesitation and talk me through it afterward. I never doubted that she cared about me. But once we officially started dating, the way she treated me shifted.

When my cousin was hospitalized unexpectedly, she told me she didn’t have the emotional bandwidth to talk to me, and that she was in the middle of gaming with friends. Eventually, my cousin passed away. While I was traveling for the service, someone in our group kept pushing me for updates on when I would be okay to play again. I asked my girlfriend if she could help me, and instead she blew up at me. She said I was being self-centered and dramatic, and she refused to step in. She accused me of “making everything revolve around my feelings” while I was literally on the way home from the funeral.

I want to talk to her about how her priorities seem skewed and how unpredictable and harsh she’s been with me, but I’m scared to bring it up. Every serious conversation feels like stepping on glass—she either yells at me, or tries to turn everything into a psychological analysis of why I’m the one causing problems.

Am I overreacting, though? I keep wondering whether I should just give up and let nothing change. It feels like it isn't safe to speak to her about...anything, and friends have reacted to similar problems far nicer, but she's my girlfriend. I love her deeply, but another part of me is scared of her and how she reacts to me.