I need an advice to continue relationship or break up

Me and my bf have been together for more than 4 years now. I love him very much although I always have a feeling that it is not even close to how much he loves me. We are from different countries but very good together, barely have a fight and can enjoy similar things. We are different people in a sense, I moved to another country when I was 18, I like taking risks, I am more spontenous, don't like thinks planned, he is totally opposite, but somehow we work it out.

The biggest problem is I had a disfunctional family, and I have never wanted to have a family. I have never wanted to settle down with someone and live my whole life with that person. Even the idea of it makes me scared. My dream was and somehow still is - to work and have a good career and whenever I have time, travel around the world alone. We met with my bf and everything was going well so I just continued our relationship. But now I feel like it is getting serious as it is close to 5 years and I am scared.

Also we started when I was 19, I know maybe it is not right to say this but it is how I feel, I feel like I didn't have my 'free life' and just started a serious relationship right away (it is both of ours first relationship). Once a while it hits me and I feel like I miss it from my life. Adding I have a diagnosed eating disorder for 6 years now and often times depressed, possibly have bordeline pd, I have very unstable mood and feelings.

We were living in his family house together. When I moved there I told him that it is temporary, I will find a place and move later on. It was 2 years ago, then pandemic happened and it got delayed and delayed, but I always wanted to have my own place. His family is visiting and staying there often as it is their house (they just moved temporarily to another city). Although they are the greatest people I have ever known, always nice to me, it is often very uncomfortable for me, as I am generally shy and cannot be very comfortable around them.

Around a week ago I moved to a new place living alone. We still continue our relationship, but he gave me a time to decide what I want, as he is tired of uncertanity, which I understand of course. I come with "let's break up" ideas often times then change my mind and he is tired of it. At this point I have no idea what I want and it is killing me, I cannot decide. During this whole moving and long talkings I realized how much I love him and miss him when he is not around. He is a great person and I don't think anyone can ever love me like he does. On the other hand giving my mental health and all above I know I will have different feelings after a while and don't want to make things more serious if it will not work out, especially my family is pushing us to marry bc they are more conservative.

I have to make decision and I really can't, I am very confused...