Is it me?
Hey everyone,
So I’ve previously ended things with an on/off bf of 3 years may 2022. I’ve started dating this beautiful man in November. It’s been great, wonderful even. But tbh I’m terrified. I’m beginning to love him, not beginning I should say I love him. We have great chemistry and he talks about marriage too. But I feel like I ruin good things like something can be too good to be true. I haven’t told him I love him for many reasons. Mostly because I don’t want to scare him off and I don’t like being vulnerable. I don’t understand why I’m scared to let loose. I actually want this to work.
Hey Lilith,
New love is a wonderful feeling. 🥰 I’m happy for you - and talk of marriage is a big deal! It can be scary to be vulnerable because it opens you up to being hurt. But if you all are moving on planning a future together, you need ask yourself what your values are. Do you want to be in a relationship where you can openly share your feelings especially one of love? If so then you aren’t “ruining” your relationship because you say what you feel.
Maybe try slowing down if you’re not comfortable moving at such a fast pace. Your ex ended things after three years, and the relationship was temperamental (“on again of again”) so it might have left you doubtful about the inconstant nature of relationships. Marriage adds a lot of stress for relationships also, and can be a lot of pressure for a blossoming relationship! Especially if you’re already afraid of vulnerability right now.
It might be more suitable for you and your partner to slow things down a touch, to simply take pleasure in each other’s company without forcing too much expectations for the future in grand ways. Let things progress more naturally and casually/comfortably; rather than feeling too focussed on whether or not you “love him”. When we magnify and ruminate on those things we can become more confused and entangled in those ideas and conflicting emotions, that they become stressful instead of bringing joy! And if in your heart you do genuinely love him, and it terrifies you that’s OK too! As long as you are true to yourself and your feelings. It really does take courage to love a person! It might be a relief of sorts for you to acknowledge it and admit to him how you feel.
Wishing you the best with all of it. Love courageously! ^^