Issues in the relationship
my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. We fight often. He always complains that I’m inconsiderate. My parents sometimes makes plans last minute. And usually I would try to go. He would get mad if I brought it up last minute or if I said I’d like to go. Because then if if didnt go, it would look like his fault. So I tried to ask them to plan ahead and I even skipped some cause I didn’t want to fight. He complains about me interrupting him, which I’ve been trying to work on. I feel like I’ve made progress on the inconsideration, but he’d say otherwise.
I have my fair share of issues with him. In the past, I’d shrug it off cause I didn’t think it was worth fighting over. Maybe that was the wrong thing to do, I don’t know. For starters, he makes jokes that aren’t very funny. Like sexual jokes about banging a coworker. And it’s just jokes. That’s what he does he says. And when we first started dating, it wasn’t a big deal cause it wasn’t very often, but not it’s constant. And I’ve brought it up in the past that I don’t like it but he says it’s a part of him. He’s stated he’d never actually sleep with her. But still it’s irritating.
Another thing he does that annoys me is he calls me the b word sometimes. He says it’s jokes and out of love. He says his love language is “bullying” or jokes. I let it go for a while then eventually brought it up. When I did, he said, you didn’t have a problem with it before, so why now. I explained I did. And sometimes when I’m trying to talk about something serious like I have a headache Or explaining why he had to wait for me to get done with work he makes a face and mocks me. Hes also very flirty when he talks to most people. He said he’d draw it back but I am not sure he will. And I don’t know if I’m out of line for asking him not to be flirty with other. He is nice to me other than those times and does things for me/buys me stuff. I don’t know if I’m just over analyzing it ir not. I feel like that’s not how it should be but I don’t know. I still love him and don’t really want to break up with him but I hate feeling this way.
@honestKitten6782
When people don't pay attention to the needs of their partner, that can be a sign of disrespect. In my book, there are 3 things that create a healthy, loving relationship. Those 3 things are respect, communication, and trust. None of these things is possible when one of them is missing. It sounds like you want to set some boundaries so that you feel safe and loved inside this relationship, and for some reason he isn't listening. Take care and I wish you well on this journey. You definitely deserve to feel supported and loved.
@honestKitten6782,
he should start taking your feelings seriously and start to respect you.
His excuses are lame and don't show much maturity.
Set your boundaries. Tell him you love him but his attitude needs attention, a lot.
Either he changes or you are out.
Hun, there is a real mean for you out there that will treat you so much better.
Yes, it would be great if people planned ahead, but those are your parents, and especially if he's not doing anything, he should go with you at least sometimes. Otherwise you make your own decision and go if you want to.
Jokes about banging others have the potential to become reality later in life. Even if it is 100% a joke, if you've confronted him and told him you feel some type of way, and he continues the behavior, he is not serious about you and does not deserve you.
If he's calling you names, this is absolutely 100% unacceptable, and you need to wake up.
I am deeply sorry for my harshness, but believe me girl, he is not worth it, and you deserve so much better. So much more. You owe it to yourself to have respect. Be kind to yourself, and honor your ideas and emotions.