Issues leading to ending lease but feeling unsure
My SO (25) and I (31) met and moved in together two years ago after 3 months of dating because he was losing his current place of residence, I had never lived on my own yet other than at college with roommates. Our lease is up for renewal, we've had issues since the last renewal but let it renew because we didn't do anything to change our living situation. We've been fighting heavily for the past year, especially the past 6months which ended up having police called on us about two weeks ago for noise complaints. We have no solution how to continue living together if renewed but my bf is saying that if I choose to not renew and live separately we're going to be ending our relationship because he doesn't see it working if we live apart. I'm frustrated that he isn't even giving it a shot to work with us finally having our own space but he thinks we'd be okay staying in a clearly unhealthy space and said that what he wants is to renew together. It feels slightly manipulative that the only options I'm being given is to continue in this unhealthy circle we're in or break up if I want to have my own space. I've been severely distraught for over a week, we have to give an answer by Friday to the landlord and he just keeps asking what I want and that I don't have to worry about him if I chose to move out because he's figured out his housing situation before. I'm not even sure I know what I'm asking here but I just can't understand his logic. It feels like he doesn't actually care if we're together other than if we stay together he's guaranteed a place to live.
@TurquoiseCat1322
Hello, I will love it if you shift the focus from what his logic is to what will make you happy. If I write you should shift the focus to what you want, you may say you want to be with him and from your chat, being and living with him haven't exactly been a source of happiness for you. Most times, we don't work things out by being in the situation. You need to leave a situation most times in order to know if it will work out or not.
Think about your happiness or your peace. Think about how the next 1yr or 2yrs will be if you live together again. Why do you think it will work out? How great will you feel when you are nolonger in a situation where you constantly argue with someone who claims they love you till the neighbors call the cops on y'all?
Also think about the possibilities of finding another great guy out there who will give you peace, joy and make you feel at home everyday.
Think about these and let me know what you decide.
Sending you all the light and wisdom you need to make a decision.
I think I replied wrong to your message and made it a separate post below rather than a direct reply, but thank you!
Thank you so much for your kind words, sometimes it's hard to hear that from family and friends and really let it sink in especially when your relationship status becomes a joke to them and they think it's okay to greet you at events with "oh so did you leave him yet?" I care tremendously and hard but I just don't think it's sustainable long term, I want to have a better relationship with whoever my partner is, I don't want to always feel like I need to ask for attention or fight all the time. I think I'm just struggling most with the acknowledgement that he's making the choice to end the relationship be hinged upon me making the decision to give us a healthier living situation. It's just a constant feeling of the inevitable in my face while having to live out the lease together.
