I wish I knew what to do .. stuck & confused
To make a long story short.
My boyfriend recently purchased a home, a fixer upper. A lot has taken a toll on us over the last 3 months just pertaining to the house situation itself.
Financially he has been handling a lot of it simply because he knows my struggles right now. I do contribute a lot, but he is expecting a lot to be done and those things add up quickly. We are both in our late 20s and have been together for 3 years. We’ve also lived together for the past 2 years.
Lately, he has been name calling heavily. He knows my trauma and I know his. I know I am not the easiest person to be with because of my said trauma and I know a lot of his behaviors are from his trauma. I am in therapy now but I feel as if I need extra support and that’s why I turned to 7 cups.
The name calling has been hitting me heavily that I feel like I am starting to feel as if those things are true. I know I am smart enough to know what this means, but I simply don’t know what to do. When I confront him and talk to him about it and how it hurts me and I want him to be responsive vs. reactive he tells me he wouldn’t be “reactive” if “i didn’t have an attitude”. I just wish I knew what to do.
So sorry you’re going through this. Name calling is never, ever okay. I’ve been told what I take offense to is “stupid” and that I’m “too sensitive”. I hate it. My boyfriends reactions to me confronting him sound similar to yours. I wish I had an answer, but I hope that we can both not feel alone with this. It’s so frustrating and so confusing.
@justme2626
I am inviting you to the Sharing Circle chat room !
Here are the steps to find the Sharing Circle chat room
I am using the laptop version of 7Cups.com :
In the upper left hand corner of the 7Cups window :
1) 'Chat'
2) 'Group Chat Support'
3) 'Groups' tab
4) 'Sharing Circle'
@justme2626
there is a reason that a fixer upper or even a remodel can end up in breakups or divorce ........
Often the stress of the projects turning out to be much more consuming or expensive then originally planned and maybe even not having the same vision on a project can cause severe stress...... often when a suggestion to maybe scale back an expense of scope of project it is met with names or insults i know a very close couple who is going through this now .....
you stated he knows your issues and you know his .... sometimes when stressed and maybe even overwhelmed i know if i have a disagreement as my partner puts it ...."I say or do the very thing that hits hardest..." i do not really set out to do it but it happens. Maybe he know the name calling will be fastest to get under your skin.
@justme2626
if he keeps the name calling, then LEAVE him. That’s good you are in therapy dealing with your issues. You have to live yourself more then to allow him to call you names! Tell him what you no longer deal with, and if he keeps it up leave! If he truly loves you he will stop the EMOTIONAL abuse
@highlyintuition1
I meant to say Love yourself more