Looking for advice
My partner of two and a half years is very sensitive to making plans, is often lonely when we’re apart, and gets upset when I forget to tell them about plans I’ve made. We’ve been long distance for the majority of our relationship, and we’re planning to move in together over the summer. Sometimes when I try to make plans with them and it doesn’t work out exactly how they think it will, they shut down and that makes it hard for me to be able to figure out how they feel or even finish making the plans. I know they’re aware of this sensitivity, and they sometimes apologise for their behaviour. Is there anything I can do to help them get more comfortable with change, or is this anxiety about plan making something they have to figure out on their own?
@overEmpathetic613
Hi! They might have abandonment fears, and attachment difficulties. It is quite common, and doesn't usually get better on its own. Counselling would be beneficial, with the right person, both for them alone and/or for you both as a couple to learn strategies. For them maybe emotion regulation skills and communication skills might help, so that they can speak up straightaway. It can take a long time to learn and practise these skills and often we have underlying traumas that caused us to learn these patterns.
Things you can do: It might help to keep a shared diary/online calendar so they can see your plans and don't get surprised by things. Also, before telling them of your thoughts/plans, always start off by letting them know how much you love and care for them, and would like to do xyz with them. So that they feel safe and connected first, hearing of a change or suggestion might come easier.
Hope you find other ideas also. 🤗