My girlfriend of 8 years
Recently my girlfriend of 8 years is under a ton of stress with her schoolwork and applying to vet school and what not. The other day she broke down crying to me about how she is so lost and doesn’t even know who she is. She has suggested potentially taking a break so that she can be alone and find herself. She is 21 and I am 23. We have had rough patches in the past that we have worked through but the topic of “taking a break” has never come up in the past. We are trying to work through it by communicating but if I’m being honest it feels like she is slipping away. She tells me she loves me and that she doesn’t want to take a break but she doesn’t know what to do. I told her that I am here for her and that it’s okay to be confused and lost, that it happens alot especially before making huge decisions like what to do after school. I love her with all my heart and know she is my soulmate. Recently her texting and talking has changed. While I still refer to her as “love”, “babe”, etc… She has stopped using words like “hun” and “babe”. I’m so lost and confused as I slowly see my future with her crashing and burning. She lives with all her single friends and I’m worried that they might potentially be getting in her head as well. Please can anybody offer any advice or talk about a similar situation so I can get these stupid thoughts out of my head. I need help…..
@Marcus0599 Hey friend! I can't give you advice, but I can try to give you insight based on my own experiences.
This situation is complicated, but much like similar scenarios, usually the best course of action is setting the person "free" and letting them come back on their own time and terms. If she feels that she needs a break to find herself, whether it's true or not (and there's no sense in speculating), then it's only right to give that to her.
Yes, it will suck and it will hurt for a bit, but it's much better than the alternative of continuing a relationship that may be one sided or that isn't as great as it once was or could be. If it's meant to be, she'll come back. I know it sounds cliche, but it's often the case.
I wish you the best of luck, and remember to communicate as honestly and openly as you can. It'll all work out in its own way. 🖤
Hi! As someone who is in a similar boat with applying to PT school, it’s very stressful. I understand how she feels with being lost and confused. It’s a hard time. You’re a very sweet person for sticking by her side and encouraging her. I’m sure you’ve thought of ways to help her. I am 22 and my boyfriend is 24, he has been so supportive from the beginning. But he’s already in a program and I’m not in grad school yet. At times I feel like a failure but he has made me feel so much better. He always offered to help me, like helping with my applications, calling the schools, etc. I’m guilty of being short and not using “babe” or “baby” a lot in texts to him but he always asked if I was ok and if I needed to talk. Sometimes venting was what I needed and other times I felt like he didn’t understand me. It’s the stress, my mind was on so many things. However, this seems to be equally stressful for you. Maybe you two need to have a conversation. I think it’s very hard for us to date in our early 20’s because we’re still figuring out our lives and finding ourselves. But you both need to decide if you want to do it together or separate. This doesn’t mean completely cutting each other off, you can still be friends and support each other and if it’s meant to be then it’s meant to be.
I wish you all the best🤍
I definitely want to do this together and while yes this is causing me stress, the stress is more from her want to “push me away” for lack of a better way of saying it. I told her it is okay to not always be okay(I know it sounds cliche). I feel like she feels that she is “dragging me down”, which I told her is not the case. There isn’t a problem in the world I wouldn’t absorb for her, and while I know I cannot simply take the stress and anxiety away from her, I wish she would listen to my words and understand that no matter what is going on I will always be in her corner (cliche again). We have since started a month long break and are 4 days in. My anxiety and stress are at an all time high. I love and miss her so much and pray with every fiber in my body that she is taking care of herself (eating, drinking water, taking time to relax). I really hope this break is enough to give her clarity and focus on what is important, but also realize that leaning on me for support does not make her co-dependent, which I believe it partially the reason she wanted a break. I would do anything to give her a hug and tell her everything will be okay. But I must adhere to the no contact while she figures it out. Can anyone offer any advice on how to go about this. I have good days and bad days but mostly bad.
