Need a new therapist, and a new dating scene?
So I don't know if it would help to read up on my previous posts but to keep it short I recently had my visit and my therapist doesn't seem to be very helpful when I talk about certain parts of my life. I get ok-ish advice for depression, but any time I bring up my relationship issues. They suddenly have no ideas, are too quiet, or give really "do nothing" strategies.
I have been single for a very long time and this is actually one of my most important things I want to change in my life. The meeting also started off late because the excuse was "sorry the previous person had a lot going on". I've heard this before, but all it does is make me feel like we have to spend time quietly giving honor to the person before me, and that's ridiculous. I need them to be here for my time, and I've been through *** too and I don't intrude on other people's time. It's not fair.
Other than that I had one follow up date from a speed dating event, and unfortunately the same thing keeps happening, they get interested, then part way through they change their mind and any future dates turn into dead fish. I decided not to even text back this time because I could tell I was being judged for being too far away and that I don't drink. I can't drink my stomach refuses alcohol, it's a health issue for me. I guess I need to vent about not being able to vent on dating issues that never end.
@jetm0t0
That sounds unbelievably frustrating, and I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this. You’re not asking for too much you just want to be heard, respected, and supported, both in therapy and in your dating life. And honestly? You deserve that.
It’s really disheartening when a therapist, someone who’s supposed to help you navigate your struggles, doesn’t show up in the way you need them to. The whole point of therapy is that it’s your time, and it’s completely fair to be upset if you feel like you’re being pushed aside or given half-hearted advice. Your relationship struggles matter. If this is one of the biggest challenges in your life right now, then it should be a priority in your sessions. If they’re not engaging with that, then they’re not really meeting you where you are.
And with dating ugh, I can imagine how exhausting it must be to keep putting yourself out there only to hit the same wall over and over. It’s even worse when you can *feel* that shift, like someone is mentally checking out before they even say it. It’s okay to be frustrated. It’s okay to be hurt. And honestly, it’s completely okay to stop chasing people who can’t appreciate or accommodate the things that make you, you. If distance and drinking were deal-breakers for them, then that’s their issue, not yours. You deserve someone who sees your worth without conditions.
I don’t know if any of this makes it feel even a little less heavy, but just know you’re not alone in this. Your feelings are real. You are not being unreasonable. And you deserve support that actually feels like support. Keep fighting for that, in therapy and in relationships. And until you find it, I’m here to remind you that your feelings matter.
@jetm0t0
I believe a therapist is not for giving you any particular advice, but for helping you navigate through the options you have and find your own way. How much he or she is talking may depend on particular type of the therapy and on the personality of the psychologist (some are better listeners, some are better coaches, but seldom two in one).
Also, the client's and the therapist's personalities may match each other better or worse. However, being "just OK-ish" or "barely sufficient" can be not enough nowadays, when AI software or apps, like Chat GPT or Wysa, are doing their best to replace some human therapists.
As for the other client staying too long, what may be highly frustrating, it might have been some kind of emergency. But even if that was the case, I think the therapist should give you back the amount of time (or money) you lost. Closing a therapy session in time might be more difficult than it looks, but a professional should be ready for that.
Personally, I would be careful to draw any conclusions from the "speed dating" events. It's better than nothing. But my friend who attended such meetings said that some of the participants were "fake dates", like employees of the company/restaurant, or even sexual workers, paid to act like persons seeking someone.
I hope you succeed in your search 👍
