Need help accept love
PLEASE help me accept love
My entire life my dad was an alcoholic & when I was 14 he passed away due to liver failure. The real changing point in my life for me was when I was 13 and my uncle (his brother) was taking to my mother right in front of me & my uncle said, “I can’t believe he’s just going to let this happen. I can’t believe he isn’t going to try to correct this.” And my mother said, “I know. I can’t believe he’s just giving up. He doesn’t want to see his daughter walk down the isle one day.” I feel like ever since that day, before my dad even passed away, that day is when my abandonment issues began. I have a crippling fear that everyone in my life is eventually going to leave me. Weather it’s friendships or relationships, I always feel like I care so much more about the other person then they care about me. And I always feel like in the end I’m going to end up hurt. These fears have consumed my life and I do everything I can to push people away. I don’t let anyone in. I don’t trust any real friendship I’ve ever had. And it makes my romantic relationships extremely difficult. I have a boyfriend now, and our relationship started off rocky. I couldn’t accept the fact that he wanted me and only me & I had this fear that he was just going to break my heart, as I fell in love with him almost immediately. I kept other people on the back burner and couldn’t ever truly give him all of myself. He was so hurt by that, we broke and up and got back together so many times I can’t even keep track anymore. While we were broken up he tried his hardest to move on from me and connect with other females, but we have always found our way back to each other. I feel like that has made my insecurities even worse. I just keep feeling like he’s going to find something better in someone that isn’t me. He does all he can to reassure me all the time. I’m not self conscious in the way that I feel I am unattractive or don’t have a great personality. I’m just insecure in the fact that I constantly feel like I won’t ever be enough for someone forever. And it just comes down to that fact that even my own father gave up on me, so why wouldn’t somebody else? I love my boyfriend so much and I want us to grow old together so badly. I just fear that if I can’t get rid of these insecurities it will cause massive problems in our relationship forever. It is the number one reason we fight. I just need help on understanding how to move forward. I’m now 25. I’ve been battling these insecurities for 12 years now and I just can’t seem to shake them. I need help understanding how to let go and realize not everyone is going to leave me.
@purpleGlobe5130 Hi, I'm really sorry that you are going through this. Not every one will leave you, eventually at the end of the day, you will be able to make life long friends. sometime your fear would become reality, and some people in your life might leave, but some people will stick around and you'll spend your entire life with them. Stay strong, you got this!
@purpleGlobe5130
i can see how a parents death at a young age is traumatic ( lost a parent early too) ...
alcoholism and related disease issues are not something he chose over you........ but was something he did not find the strength over..... i think you took a conversation far too literally
i will tell you .........whatever you let consume you .......will .......
fear of being left .... fear of abandonment ...letting fear and such interfere with your life will be a big regret down the road .......as you get older you will see there are no do- overs and sometimes not even second chances .... life is short
...grab life by the hair and live the best you can .............do what your dad was unable to do to fight off your demons and make good choices.
happiness in finding another is a gift pushing it away or living life afraid of every moment someone might leave......... you are punishing yourself ......... for something YOU had zero control over .... your dads liver failure.
I can relate somewhat. I also really struggle to trust that my partner wants to be with me or cares about me or loves me. I keep fewling like any day, he's gonna get bored of me and leave. I've imagined so many different scenarios in which he leaves me for various reasons.
I've found that talking to others about it, journaling and talking to my partner about it helps alleviate that for a time. Or even just talking to my partner about anything else and having some quality time with him. Getting a bit of reassurance/validation from him every so often helps a lot.
Thank you all so much for your kind words. I really am trying my best to see our relationship for it is. I’m trying to realize that he loves me and wants to be with me. It’s just so hard for me to not fear I’m going to end up heart broken in the end. And I am so worried my own fear is going to be what causes my own heart break. I’ve began journaling so I can let all my thoughts out there and I really hope it starts to help.
