New Dating Connection - Should I Chill?
Hi all. I've been talking to someone i matched with on a dating site 2 weeks ago. Theres quite a distance between us. Over 70 miles. In between talking, i notice my messages are unanswered until the following day despite seeing them, then he'll suddenly be available the next day and it repeats even though we are not messaging late. Two things have since happened. We arranged to catch up on the phone and when i was due to talk he messaged saying a friend had suddenly arrived to his home and that we will catch up the next day. The next day he called, i called back and after sometime of talking he said he had to answer another call abruptly and just came off the phone saying he was sorry and would call back. I have a gut feeling something is off. I need others opinion.
@intellectualTalker4408 Hey, I understand how confused and torn you might feel right now. People and relationships are complicated, but do think you might be in an unhealthy relationship right now. If you're with someone, especially if that person said they'll make time for you, they are supposed to make uninterrupted time with you. Long distance or not. I've been in a long distance relationship before, but I can testify that the other person will never be so busy they won't fit you into their schedule. I'd like you to keep in mind abusive relationships can sometimes consist of the abuser manipulating the other person to feel dependent on them and keep hoping for changed actions. Please don't feel pressured to comply to everything I say, but I do hope you'll find peace.
Sending love and support,
Sparkly Kitten
@intellectualTalker4408
Just a guess but if unable to return your text/ email that day but does the next maybe cannot at home but will while at work........
the abrupt end of calls or something can be trying to chat and someone came home early etc.
Hi All, thank you so much for the responses.
Since my post there seems to be a pattern emerging where certain evenings he finds a way to make sure i don't call him and also suddenly has to cut calls short in the middle if what seems to be a flowing discussion.
Something just feels off and i don't want him to make me feel like i am imagining this....getting confused :(
@intellectualTalker4408. is it possible that he is hiding something?
You’re not crazy. It definitely sounds like he is behaving secretively. At best he never seems to honor his time commitments to you (to finish a phone conversation, to respond to texts etc.) ; at worst he might have deceitful reasons for doing so (an affair? Is he on that dating site when he has a partner already? Etc.) Especially if they are being consistently evasive, always seem to vanish or have to leave at inopportune times, that’s usually the case.
Possibly, if people are very apathetic about contacting you it is usually a sign that they just “aren’t that into you!”
I wouldn’t fall too soon too fast if there’s this much doubt this early in the relationship…
CatsInTheCradle
Hey there, intellectualTalker4408. Thanks for reaching out for help!
I've read what you said and your feelings are valid. It is frustrating to see this happening. I can only imagine how confused and frustrated you must be feeling.
Overcoming this situation and to stop feeling this way would require you to take some active measures on your end so that you have a sense of being in control. What you can do from here is
1. Ask yourself what are your expectations in this LDR?
2. How do you believe you should be treated by someone you matched on a dating site?
3. If you're seeing the situation as it is, what can you tell about him based on his behaviour towards you?
I believe if you can be honest with yourself when answering these questions, you will be able to make the right choices!
If you would like to further discuss this topic, feel free to reach out to me and I'll be happy to have a conversation with you!
Take care and good luck! ❤️
