Paranoid or mixed signals?
Hello! I’ve just recently started dating my partner and in the beginning things were great (as all new relationships are): we talked consistently, saw each other about 2x a week, and had open conversations about where we were in the dating stage. After about a month, both of us had work trips schedule on opposites sides of the country and so we talked about staying in touch AND had the conversation about being exclusive and not seeing other people. But as the last two weeks went by I felt more and more insecure. Their texts started coming later and later, still pretty receptive and good, but the response times were crazy (4-6ish hrs in between). I tried to break communication and offer to just talk when we get back but they refused and said they want to hear from me, but the lack of communication (IMO) still persisted. We’re both back now and have plans to meet this evening but they never confirmed if they got reservations or not—I had asked twice during the week—and I feel like maybe they will back out on me? They did say when I asked about the reservations that they would call their friend first and that if they couldnt Get them then we would just go, but I don’t know I felt like that was a soft/vague answer. Am I being paranoid? I do have dating anxiety and trauma surround relationships that I’m currently working through, but I feel like I’m getting mixed signals from my dating partner and don’t know if I should address it or walk away. Advice appreciated
@whatisdating2730
Hi--from what you've shared, the relationship was great at first and the two of you talked consistently, saw each other frequently, and talked openly about the relationship and expectations and things like that. But after you each went on work trips and were physically distant for a while, the communication became more spotty, his response time has been really slow at times in replying to texts, and since you're both back he hasn't been very definitive/committed about making plans to meet up. As a result, you're feeling worried that maybe there is something wrong, but you also don't want to jump to conclusions since you know that you have some pre-existing anxiety/trauma with relationships.
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Personally, I feel like the fact that you are unhappy and worried matters. One of your expectations for relationships (whether it's been expressed or not) is that you really want for there to be prompt, clear, consistent communication. That's something that you feel like you need in order to feel happy, secure, and at peace in the relationship. It's something that he was originally doing a great job of satisfying, whether he knew it or not, but currently you feel like that need isn't being met. You'd like to see things return to the kind of communication that you used to have originally, if possible.
I wonder if it might be possible to try to work through it with him as a team and come up with a plan or strategy for fixing this that respects both of your needs. Like, communicating how you feel, indicating what behaviors of his lead you to feel that way, explaining how important this communication is for you to feel okay in the relationship, suggesting some changes that would help alleviate your feelings, and then negotiating with him to come up with something that feels workable.