Relationship Problems

Back in 2022, a really nice boy proposed to me, I’m not gonna pretend like he was horrible even though he left me a week before the wedding. I was blindsided. I had absolutely no clue how he really felt and never at any point did he contact me again. He left me to pay for the entire wedding and cancel everything and tell the guys on my own. Looking back I don’t know how I did it. The resilience I had was really impressive. Never underestimate the strength of a woman. After my failed engagement, people pitted me. It became quiet when I entered a room, I was the talk of the town. I realized I become a sad story. I had 4 years with my ex and he broke up with me on a phone call while I was driving on the Brooklyn bridge. He took my past, I decided I would never let him take my future. That’s been my motto. We had a house we lost, a future that seemed bright full of children. I was devastated and also newly 30. It was a low time in my life. Than in 2026, I met the love of my life he proposed to me and finally it was all coming back, the place to live, the prospect of children, and a man who would stand by my side. I am overjoyed. It was surprising the response I received people making jokes “ hope this one sticks around.” I actually had a bridesmaid tell me she wouldn’t be in this wedding because she already did my last wedding ( never happened). Than said well you get married every few years. It shined a light of who really mattered to me in my life. My fiance is really sweet to me and loving. But I can’t stop this fear of abandonment. We fought today about something and I’m hoping it will resolve soon but I can’t help this same feeling coming back. The worst feeling I’ll ever had. The feeling like he to might call me one day and all my dreams will be over. I don’t know if I have the strength to go through another fiance breakup. And this time would be so much worse because my heart is completely his. Failed engagements and being left at the altar have to be one of the hardest things anyone has to go through. I’m so afraid I’ll be single again at 34. Rising back up from the ashes like an eagle, but will I be able to fly? Only time will tell how strong I can be. My fiance tells me he wants us to live in the same apartment building as his Mom. I told him that I think we should find a place of our own but he’s insisting this is the place. He told me his Mom called him to talk to the manger of the building and he put himself on a waitlist. Somehow his Mom convinced him that she wasn’t overstepping. Honestly, I’ve been fine with his close relationship with his Mom in the past. But I absolutely don’t want to jeopardize our marriage in this way. It seems like a good time for us to bond and I don’t think it’s fair to live with his family in the beginning of our marriage. I don’t know what to do and if I walk away it’s going to be terrible for me. I might also be saying goodbye to a family. I pray he can compromise but I don’t know it seems like he’s heart is really set. I’m going to be back to square one and I’m officially Sisyphus and rock and the rock is my marriage.