Relationship Repair
Hi, just need help or advice on how to move on. Recently my fiance and I have dealt with CPS. A bitter ex of my fiances called on us. Long story short we have our son back. That situation caused so much stress between us. Constant arguing. Recently I found him on Onlyfans paying for photos and videos from girls. Im disgusted and believe that if you get any sexual satisfaction from someone else, you’re cheating. We’ve been together 5 years and this is the first time hes done something like this. Its been about a month and I have became this insecure person. I throw up looking in the mirror and i can barely eat nowadays. I need to be the best mother I can be for our son so i need to pull myself out of my depression. i’ve been able to do that so far. My biggest issue is my insecurities and not being able to trust my fiancé anymore. He has made more of an effort to give me the attention that I need. But I don’t know how I can ever get over what he did to me. Any advice please?
@plantedkannon
Wow, that sounds a lot to have happening. You had someone call CPS, which caused a lot of stress and arguments with your fiancé. (I'm glad you have your son back. 💜) Following that, you discovered that he had been paying for photos/videos from girls, which you consider to be cheating. Since that happened, you've been feeling really insecure about yourself and have had trouble trusting him again.
I found a few resources that give some tips for how to handle a partner cheating.
- https://www.verywellmind.com/cope-when-spouse-is-unfaithful-2300654
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201407/dealing-your-partners-infidelity-6-dos-and-donts
- https://www.marriage.com/advice/infidelity/how-to-heal-a-relationship-after-cheating/
- https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/infidelity/art-20048424
Here are a few things I took away from skimming through these resources that I felt were pretty helpful:
- It's really understandable and normal to be feeling angry, disgusted, depressed, or distrustful in that type of situation, and it can take a while to move through those feelings.
- Couples counseling can be very helpful for re-establishing trust/commitment, creating honest/open communication, and working to heal certain underlying issues that can act as contributing causes for infidelity.
- Anything you're able to do to take care of yourself is helpful (e.g. diet, exercise, sleep)
- Re: the insecurities, it isn't your fault that he decided to do this. Even if there was a lot of relationship stress, there were other healthier actions he could have taken to try to resolve things that wouldn't have had such a disruptive effect on the relationship and betrayed your trust
Wishing you the best. If you'd like to chat with someone, HERE is a list of experienced listeners who accept 1-on-1 chats on relationship stress.