Relationship with an older man
I’ve been in a really complex set of relationships in the past. the only reason why I’m not anymore is a 55 year old divorcee, he’s really close to my family so after his divorce(he got a divorce a few months ago) he came back from Europe and started living m with us. initially he was helping me with everything, He and I used to be able to talk almost about anything out there. Then honestly things became something else quiet abruptly and we got crazy about each other the problem is that I’m 23.
the difference in our age is too much and due to cultural and social issues around me he and I cant get married. he and I both are quiet guilty because we both feel as if we’re letting eachother not have potentially strong partners for one another.
I think he would be better off with someone his age, she could give him the stability I can never give him. but we both just kinda always put it on eachother and it never happens we both just don’t want to lose eachother. we’re crazy about each other but sometimes I get anxious that what will be happening in the future, how will I be able to tell my family that I’m never going to be getting married and for how long will either of us manage this secret relationship.
how they sometimes tell me that when girls go over 30 it is hard for them to get married and there is no time anymore etc, sometimes it just becomes too overwhelming.
It sounds to me like you and him both have feelings for each and there is nothing wrong with that. Our feelings and attraction to others has no age limit. You can be in love with a younger or older person and that is okay. I understand your hesistation that an older person may be better for him but you shouldn't count yourself out. If this is something that you both are willing to give a try despite what your family is saying, you should go for it. Their thoughts and opinions shouldn't be a deciding factor in who you connect to.
@CheeryMango
I agree with you, when it comes to romantic partners, you shouldn't make a decision based on your family's preferences or expectations. This is a very personal matter, and only you truly know who you want and should be with.
What about the future?
He and I had been talking a while ago and he was too upset said that what will you do after me.. he’s 55. Said I may die in a few years he and I can’t have kids together.
said you’ll be 30 maybe what will you do then and it kind of triggered me a little into overthinking..
What matters most to you?
Culture?
So called social "rules"?
Why worry?
Why worry about the future, you don't know what is gonna happen, you are only wasting energy.
Culture and social "rules" should never ever have impact on your life.
No exceptions.
If people have issuews with your choices in life, well, that is their problem.
If they judge you over your decisions, well, then they add nothing, whatever the social "rules".
Listen to your true heart, don't listen to what others want you to do, ever.
Will I ever regret it?
he’s gonna Pass away sooner then me, what will I do after him?
by that time i’ll be in my 30s I won’t be able to marry anybody will I
@brightCoconut23,
you are making up self-destructing stories.
You might get hit by a car tomorrow, and not survive.
This might happen, that might happen.I might not get married.
You are wasting your energy on things that you simply don't know.
Stop whining, start living.
@brightCoconut23
Hi!
I think people have been telling you some pretty scary stories about life for a woman after 30. Life doesn't end after 30, and nothing is impossible either. Nowadays, many women start businesses, careers, relationships, and families after 30. Don't let a number scare you into doing things the way an old-fashioned society wants you to.
Also, if you are afraid of being alone after his passing, just remember life doesn't end there either. Some people are meant to live more than one great love story in their lifetime. Maybe... just maybe, this is only your first.
Love,
goodhairdays
From what i’ve seen at my parents, who have a considerable age difference, in the long run it will be distructive for the older partner. Now you are really in love and since you are hiding the relationship you basically don’t see the things than it can go wrong. My parents fought all my childhood because of the age difference, they had views on things appropriate for their own age but they didn’t seemed to agree on many things. Another problem is that my father is older now and my mom is kind of young, he retired while she feels young and wants to continue to be active and my father becomed kind of lonely. I don’t know your situation, but it will be hard for both of you and if you are gonna have kids even harder. This is just an insight and it may not happen the same in your case. But maybe it helps.
I suppose you are right and this relationship is too much work. its like there are reminders everywhere for him and I just can’t breath at times.
Almost all his examples include his ex-wife, we were talking about soulmates two days ago and he said to me that his ex was his soulmate and I dont know what to feel towards this all, he says to him “it is meaningless”
I’m having a really hard time absorbing all this I’m trying so hard to make it work and treating this all as calmly as possible. But I don’t know anymore, I know I can’t make it work but I get afraid of what’s going to happen to him if I do leave and what is going to happen to me. I’m not good with moving on processes it’s hard for me to let go I’m not a letting go kind of a person.
i feel exhausted honestly. We were having a conversation right now and He started quoting his wife and I lashed out saying i remember it! You’ve told me
and after that we were both quiet we didn’t say a word to eachother all the way.
I’ve changed myself so much that sometimes it’s hard to know who is the person standing in the mirror.
i have no clue what am I supposed to do.