Repeated cheater
My fiancé has a problem talking to other girls on dating apps or girls he has numbers to… I have found the conversations and he blames an addiction and he can’t control it and he promises he will be better and he is sincere about it, but then a month later, I find more. I want to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him and he wants the same with me, he is just having a hard time stopping, but it just obliterated my trust in him and now I feel devastated and hopeless… what do I do?
@lightSummer2574
Huge red flag 🚩 …! if he can’t even go one month without talking to other women what makes you think he will survive an entire marriage for a lifetime of commitment? Know the person you’re marrying. Not who he could be in 10 years time if he ever got his act together. You’re marrying the person he is now. Do you really want to suffer for the next few years gambling on the possibility that he might change?
At the very least, it might be an idea to slow things down for a while. No need to throw it all in so rashly on something permanent (like marriage) when the circumstances are becoming more uncertain. Usually when you are unpleasantly blindsided by your partner’s behaviour, there’s almost always more to your partner that you aren’t aware of. Once the rose-tinted glasses come off and you start consciously focusing on seeing your partner for who he actually is and not who you wish/hope he could be. Hit pause, re-evaluate the circumstances, don’t rush to make important life changing decisions when he's clearly not who you thought he was.
I hope it works out for you ~! Maybe it’s really a blessing in disguises that you realize his true nature sooner rather than later!
CatsInTheCradle
there seems to be addiction in this .....
he needs to figure it out ..... everything we do has a payoff .... a thrill a high
when people do things they get some sort of payoff for us .....
figure that out and perhaps he can stop ..............but promises and even well meaning attempts will lose out if he is getting some sort of lift from it.
maybe it is the quest maybe it is the chase ....
i knew a guy could have been happy but could never settle down as he only enjoyed the courtship phase and new lust/ excitement and after sometimes breaking up another persons marriage etc he had zero use when the chase ended and the woman wanted to marry him....
he never admitted to others but in a real bad day blurted it out to me ( a co-worker) ... he believed the promises he made...... when he made them
Why is this becoming a constant thing I keep hearing about these days? Because of dating apps, these things are ruining relationships because of the easy access to others attention and time. Speaking of attention and time...do you really want to continue this as it can only lead to more anxiety and distrust further down the road until you eventually hate and resent them? My ex cheated on me with apps, he was always secretive about it and never admitted what he was doing which made it 10x worse, and we broke up because of my issue with it. It is a sickening feeling because it makes you think what is wrong with you (nothing is wrong with you it's them!). Please be kind to yourself, this behavior is not ok and not tolerated in most monogamous relationships where trust and boundaries are placed. You need to re-evaluate things here. Is this a relationship you can just keep dealing with or do you deserve something better? I personally think you deserve a person that worships you and would never hurt you in this way. I don't know about you, but I couldn't take the stress of the realization my ex was doing this to me and the breakup between us was a relief because I knew I deserved so much better than how I was treated.