Repeat issues

First post and first time on here. I have so many questions. And I’m sure they lead far beyond this form but I have to start some where.

Been with the same woman for just over 3 years. The first year was great, fun and exciting. There were distance and money struggles in the beginning. But I didn’t care, I always made sure her and her kids had what they needed and went out of my way to see them and get to spend time with them. During the time as well, I made the change to start my own business. So that was a challenge as well. By that winter we decided we were going to move in together. So started changing and fixing things in my house and moving my stuff out, and moving her and her kids stuff in. I struggled with this because I may not have had much with being single for so long prior to and my stuff was my stuff. But I got past it. Got her moved in, and changes were being made, which isn’t a bad thing! I think?

Anyways as the second year rolled on things got a little rough. Work got crazy, and I started to stress about a lot of things, the fighting and arguing started. Trying to tell me what I was and wasn’t going to do, complaining about how much I worked, etc. But still tried to balance a new business, newer relationship, and kids. So much change! Well then I hit a breaking point. Started drinking daily, which lead into entertaining other females, lots of flirting, dirty talk and later pics. Sadly I don’t remember much of this because I was drinking so much. Then I started lying, breaking promises. Becoming all the things I hated and had experienced directed to me from all past relationships. Well that’s when the business blew up and crumbled in my face, my relationship was on the edge of no more. Here I let down a woman who I thought was my best friend. But I started questioning so much as time went on. Always telling me what to do, making me feel my love langue and feelings weren’t important and that I didn’t do the same in return and just constantly riding my butt. Which I can understand to point. Oh may I had that I had also lost my sister prior to her moving in, so I had the weight of her death on me was well.

Fast forward a little bit. I bust my ass not giving up to provide for my now little family and make things work! Finally sell her house after a year, and then the control issues really started because it was her money and was going to spend it how she said. Which by all

rights she could. But the control part got bad, I started drinking slowly again (it’s a crutch I know) but this time I started becoming an ass hole. Not wanting to be home, no women or anything, but just wanted to drink and not be around her. Finally had enough and we both started making changes, things were going good. We were a

team again. Then her mom passed away, then her grandmother pass away and the tension and control grew tight again. Frustration becoming higher. The let down in life weighing. Just so much built up. Our relationship starts to feel it again. After some time things start perking back up, but the constant bad mood and arguing still hung around. Like I couldn’t do anything right.

Then my sister that passed, her husband passed away. Him and I were close and that just crushed me. And here comes the drinking again, started talking to other women because anytime I tried to talk to her about things, it would always get turned around to about her, her losing her mom, or just like it didn’t really matter. So once the drinking and talking to other women started again, I went out to a buddies one night and got just wasted, and she found out that I was

talking to another woman. No nasty anything, no sexual, nothing bad, but still I was talking yo someone I shouldn’t have been. I take full responsibility for that. But I’m just so lost. Is this just toxic, where do I need to go to get help? Am I just that miserable it’s turning the relationship the same. Am I just not happy in the relationship and it’s making my life miserable? There is alot of missing info I’m sure, and I have given up drinking for good after the last spell. But I’m just lost on where I should go or what help I should be after. Any advise given would be amazing! Thank you for reading my train wreck!