Should I be the one texting first all the time? What should I do?
I’ve met this girl who I went on a 3rd date with. I’ve kissed her and done other stuff and I had really fun dates with her. She really enjoyed herself & has always let me know certain days she’s busy & can’t hang out with me. I usually try to not text her all day because I don’t want to overdo it. There has been times where I would text her and she ended up leaving me on read a few times & I always thought to keep it to a minimum so I don’t annoy her. I make it obvious when we hang out that I’m interested in her, although I don’t want to always be the first one to initiate the conversation. I usually will send her a good morning text or text her something about our date. Lastly, I sent her a message wishing her a great morning and talked about how much of a great time I had with her. She heart reacted to my text on the iMessage & hasn’t said anything since. I know she told me she was going to be busy with a friend today but I always get the urge to want to text her when it’s been all day I haven’t heard from her.
Is it smart to allow her to initiate a conversation with me sometimes too? I haven’t texted her all day. I wonder how long should I wait to receive a text from her. I made up in my mind to not text her until she reaches out to me. I’m interested, but I also want her to do a little work and reach back out to me too. I don’t want to be chasing her & appearing too needy. I also don’t want to give her power over me. I plan on talking to her about it in person telling her why I couldn’t get a text back from my last message. Is this the right strategy? Is it okay to wait for her to message me? I’ve made it completely clear I’m interested in her.
Hi, thank you for sharing this post. I feel like I have a bit of personal experience with this that might help you out.
I think your experience with this girl is something that unfortunately happens quite a bit in this day and age where texting is such a big part of our lives. Intuitively, we all know that how a person communicates with you over text can be easily misconstrued and does not necessarily indicate how they truly feel about you. Yet, it is completely valid to feel hurt when someone doesn’t reach out to you or doesn’t respond to your messages.
On one hand she may just be a bad texter who cares about you but simply doesn’t show it virtually (or is actually busy as she claims). This scenerio would explain why she seems to enjoy herself on your dates but doesn’t text you very much.
On the other hand, you might think no one is too busy to respond to a person they truly care about. And I can fully empathize with the hurt this may be causing you.
As there is no way to know for certain what is going on in her mind, I feel that the best course of action would be to talk to her about it in person and express how you’re feeling. If she is a genuine person she will understand where you’re coming from and might even change her behaviour once she realizes the impact her texting habits have on you.
Relationships are not a one way lane and the other person of course needs to put in effort, however people have different ways of doing this. Maybe she doesn’t initiate conversation through text but puts in effort to show you she cares in other ways. Perhaps she simply has a different love language than you and that’s all this is.
At the end of the day, you’ve done your part by making it clear that you’re interested in her. I understand you don’t want to feel too needy, and I think it is perfectly okay to not message her again until you speak in person. If it will be a while until then, you may consider setting up a phone call so you can get this off your chest sooner and be at peace with this situation.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck!
@K0724
Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. I think having text conversations has definitely play a role on how she's behaving. I understand you wish to talk with her, but sending her good morning and how things went on the date message will make her less likely to engage.
Reciprocation is very important here, and she doesn't seem to be matching your level of interest at this time. Your level of interest for her is high, while her level of interest keeps decreasing. It's very important to match her level of interest because if not then it will make her feel trapped and then she will start to distance herself. I think bringing the subject of her not responding to your messages will make her feel like things are going way too fast because you two have not develop a strong connection yet. I hope you are able to make a decision that best fits you.
I am sorry you are feeling stressed about this. People have different comfort levels with frequency of text. To me, texting every day is way too overwhelming and I prefer every couple days. That doesn't mean you can't find somebody who also wants to text every day, but maybe try kind of letting her breath a bit more, especially since you have only been on 3 dates. 3 dates is early and she may be still figuring out if she is interested or not. I hope she is, but if not, you will find someone else. It's just a process.
