Social Anxiety makes me less desireable?
I have had social anxiety all my life, and during the last couple of years I have tried to work on it, and honestly made good improvement. But, I am still socially anxious, and can't hold conversations for long without being anxious, around people whom I find intimidating at least, and also around women.
For a couple of days, I have been learning that being confident about life isn't what makes you attractive, but being confident socially, makes you attractive, and I lack that social confidence due to my social anxiety. I have always struggled with being liked by women, and now the thought that women dont find me attractive becuase of my social anxiety depresses me much more! It's really disappointing. What should I do?
@theLakeReturns I am a woman with social anxiety, and I can relate to your experience as I have similar experiences when it comes to social interaction in general. That is, I feel worried that not being socially confident makes me less attractive for other people, then that increases my social anxiety and makes me less socially confident, causing me to worry even more, etc.
Three things came to mind when I read your post:
1. Although it is true that social confidence can be an attractive trait, it is not the only characteristic that determines whether or not you are attractive. You may have other traits that are attractive. For example, I am attracted to my husband because he is kind and caring, not because he is socially confident (which he is not). So instead of focusing on what you feel you are lacking, it may help to focus on the qualities that you do have.
2. Different women are attracted to different things. Some women like socially confident men, others find other characteristics more important.
3. I personally find that when I feel socially anxious (which is most of the time) I tend to be very self-aware and focused on myself. What helps me, is to consciously shift my attention to the other person. For example, by taking an interest in them and asking questions and listening to their story, or by finding something I can do to make them happy. I personally also find this attractive in men. My husband is an altruistic person and this is what I find most attractive about him. This is not the same as people pleasing though, which I think is common in social anxiety (I have a tendency to do this myself as well), and which is often not truly focused on the other person but on oneself (wanting to be liked/judged positively).
I know how hard it can be to live with social anxiety and wish you all the best in dealing with it. I hope you find a wonderful woman to love.
Hi, thanks for your reply! First of all, I appreciate how you have put time and effort into writing a detailed and descriptive one. Second, it's really full of great and helpful perspective, and I can come back to this answer whenver I feel bad again. So, I am really grateful! Especially the third point, and how you connected it with people pleasing. I can learn a lot especially from that very point, and of course with all of them! Thank you so much for helping me out!
