What do I do
The hardest part in a relationship for me is basically communicating about the ''relationship''. I can talk to my partner about anything all day and do anything with them but when it comes to the topic relationship I don't know what to do. I can't communicate about the most basic things, like what annoys me in the relationship. Because I feel like If I talk about it, they might get upset. And when your partner is so hard to read as a person it gets even worse. I know that they wont get mad because of me pointing out something that I don't like about the relationship, but whatever I do I can't stop thinking they are gonna get angry and make it into a big problem. I worry a lot, literally I worry about every single thing, even if they send a good morning text with only 1 letter, or the face expressions they make during our day. I don't know what to do, I truly dont know what should I do. I try but I can't talk about important relationship stuffs like that, like I said. Because I know they are not the kind to be bothered with small things like this. But the fact that I am bothered about stuff like that, makes me feel like a broken piece that needs to be fixen. Today was the first time I asked to them about our relationship, and except the answers I thought I'll take, the answer was positive. Even tho, It didn't helped. I thought hearing that nothing is wrong from them would fix the problem, it didn't. Instead now I worry about if I did something bad by asking about it. I really need help, I really don't know how to act and how to not be this harsh on myself, I don't know how to be calm and not go crazy about the smallest things. I want to be a better version of myself, a version that is actually not insecure, doesn't worry about small stuff like that, can do and say whatever they want. I want to be able to communicate with people without worrying about everything. Yet I don't know how, neither will I ever be able to do that. But last 5 months showed me that with no proffessional advice, I don't thing I'll be able to fix my behaviours. I don't even know why I'm writing these stuff up. I guess its something like a coping mechanism? It makes me feel a bit relieved, at least It makes me feel like I'm talking to someone about the stuff I worry about. Something that I'm not able to do in real life.
Im going paranoid. I really need to find a way to stop these thoughts because they are far more away than just being unhealthy, they are destroying me.
Hi, sorry to hear how you feel. What do you think about both of you writing a letter or 5 things on your mind right now about your relationship, give it to each other and it becomes the way to open up conversation?
Even over a picnic in a secluded area so you are able to privately talk
@nemoboy
Emotions and relationships can be hard to talk about especially at first, when you haven't much discussed such things together. E
Every relationship, even the most perfect one, can use a bit of effort into better understanding our partner and making things even more comfortable/happy. How would you feel about bringing this up at a slow pace and maybe both partners bring up one thing that they love about the relationship and would like to continue exactly as it is, and one thing that they'd like to see a bit of change, once a week on a decided date? It could be small things or big, important ones or just casual ones. It doesn't help to constantly be trying to find fault or look for negatives, but if there is something on your mind, it's not constructive to hold it all in forever either.
I hope you're able to find the balance where you can build a small safe space with your partner to discuss the good and not so good bits of the relationship. It doesn't need to be a judgement on them or the relationship, maybe just a work in progress aspect of building that better future together.
Much strength to you!
@nemoboy,
just say how you feel.
Keep it with no. Never say what your partner should or shouldn't do.
So not "this and this annoys me" but "if this happens it makes me feel uncomfortable".
Express your feelings and invite your partner to share hers. Communication starts with mutual understanding. And remember, understanding is not the same as agreeing.