hey! i need some advice

Me and my boyfriend have been dating a little over a year now and it was going really good until a few months ago until now. There’s been really big struggles between us usually during arguments. There are times where he does things I don’t like and have told him before that I didn’t like which frustrates me. Because of that, I tend to get mad and not be able to calm down or walk away to gather my thoughts and speak rationally. He says that it’s starting to feel like everything is his fault and as of now, I do realize what he means when he says that since I tend to use “you” statements because of my lack of emotional control.

But the main issue now is that he barely trusts me on changing the way I am. A few weeks ago we had a talk on how we should be changing for the better of our relationship and me and him, in my opinion, have been messing up. Whenever he does something I’ve brought up before I’ll get mad in return without being able to properly control my emotions. As I said earlier he says that he doesn’t think that I’ll change but to me it feels kind of unfair for him to think that when I’ve been trying to change how I act, like him saying that makes me feel like I’m not allowed to mess up. And I don’t know how I’m not allowed to since my issues with anger are like deep rooted and intertwined with my childhood and the trauma from it.

I feel like a hypocrite for saying some of these things since I too bring up when he upsets me. But it just feels unfair in a way since I’ve always managed to believe him and forgive (I don’t know if that’s the right word) whenever he messes up, why can’t he do the same for me.

It feels immature of me to not understand and I’m asking if you guys can help me look through this in a different perspective as well as maybe give me tips on how to better control your emotions when in the middle of a conflict.