how my mental health affects my relationship

My mental health is not the greatest. I struggle with a lot of different issues including anxiety, abandonment issues, trust issues, etc. The main cause of those are because of my childhood trauma. My dad didn’t have a good childhood, he basically didn’t have one. Due to that, he has childhood trauma too. My parents became very toxic for each other when i was young, one reason being that my father cheated on her. My mother wasn’t an approachable person due to her opinions that are the quite opposite of mine. She, later on, left my life two years ago. I have never seen a good example of a healthy relationship. My dad got remarried. My father and his wife argue frequently in a very toxic way. Basically, I have never been shown what real love, commitment, and communication is like. Now that i am in a relationship, i realized i’m not very good at it. I’ve never been able to talk to my parents so when i’m upset i become quiet and don’t like to talk about my feelings. Whenever my boyfriend decides to do anything that doesn’t include me I become extremely upset. I believe it’s because of my abandonment issues. I feel that he is choosing things over me. I’m very bad at regulating my emotions, so i get extremely upset over the smallest things. I don’t want to break up with him, but i feel that it’s maybe for the best? I have a lot of issues that affect our relationship drastically, and I feel like he’ll be better off without me. He, however, feels the very opposite. I’ve told him everything about my childhood, why i react the way i do, and my feelings of him being better without me. He wants me to find help, but i feel like, because i don’t know how to help myself, I should probably go through this process alone. He, again, thinks otherwise. I love him more than anything and i don’t want to let him go. But am i selfish if i keep dragging him through this? Because i bring this concern up to him frequently, it has cause a issue between us. He told me, today, that it hurts him a ton when i bring this up to him. At this point i’m not even sure what i’m supposed to do.