Bad Friends
I have two best friends. One I've known for more than half my life and the other is someone I never really go a day without speaking to.
And both of them have completely disappeared when I needed them most.
My grandfather is ill and in the hospital and he's tough and he's fighting but he's 94 years old. He's like a father to me and they both know that he's super important to me- and one is too busy to answer my messages despite she's posting fucking memes on Facebook. The other has decided that she's not talking to me. We got into a fight over something EXTREMELY trival and I thought we would just drop things and forget it all happened when I told her that my grandpa has pneumonia and his other lung filled with fluid when his heart started to fail- and he has a do not resusitate order in place. But no. She's still ignoring my.
I HAVE BEEN THERE FOR EVERY "School is so hard, I don't know if I can do this" AND "I know I'm married but my new boss is really hot and I don't know how to feel" BUT WHEN MY GRANDFATHER- WHO IS MORE OF A FATHER TO ME THAN MY BIOLOGICAL FATHER- LIES GRIEVOUSLY ILL IN THE HOSPITAL, SAYING HE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE SIMPLER IF HE DIED, NO ONE HAS ANY FUCKING TIME FOR ME.
As much as my family is there because they're going through the same thing, I know that they're stressed enough and I need to keep my shit together for them, but I really just wanted to be able to lean on my friends- and one apparently has all the time for facebook and no time to answer a text and the other is so fucking petty that they'd rather stand their ground and prove they're right than be there.
@writerchick88
It's great that you're venting....because you know what, you have every right to feel angry! It's so easy to internalise things like this, but actually other people need to be responsible for their own actions.
The thing that strikes me though, is whether they maybe don't know what to say. Sure, they could just be in touch to say 'sorry you're having a tough time', but often when someone's upset we can feel we want to offer them more than that. And because we don't know what more to offer them, we end up offering nothing. Humans can be pretty useless sometimes can't we!
So what can you conclude from that? Well, it's okay you're angry, and you're doing something really positive by voicing that. But don't take it as a sign they don't care....in truth it probably shows they care greatly and don't want to say the wrong thing. If they didn't care about upsetting you, they'd be more inclined to blunder on in wouldn't they?
I notice you posted another thread about how to distract yourself from how you're feeling. Maybe you could turn to those friends for that distraction. Maybe a good old chin wag, or hearing about their day, would just shift your focus slightly. Just because they don't know how to support you emotionally doesn't mean they don't care, so try not to make that leap.
And I'm so sorry to hear about your grandpa and how upsetting this is for you. In truth, I don't know what to say, how to find the words for you. But I still care, as I'm sure others do too.
@DeborahUK
I was going to say neither are answering me but the friend who was ignoring me has decided that she was still angry with me. We're in a writing role play group and she was busy with school so I picked up a second character. She's hurt that I didn't tell her and that I don't need her and that I'm replacing her with someone else.
Like I'm already sick over my grandpa and she's making things worse.
Good evening,
It sounds like you are feeling so angry and upset at your grandfather being so unwell in hospital and it sounds also like you're there for everyone and when you need someone they are not there which must make your sadness feel even worse.
Have you spoken to both of your friends about how you're feeling? You shouldn't have to remind them of your difficult time but sometimes we get wrapped up in our own lives that we forget others are going through alot too. It sounds like one of your friends is being stubborn too.
Do you have any other friends? Remember it is okay to not be strong too infront of your family. Through our vulnerabilities we can become closer and closer. Take each day at a time and remember we are all here for you at 7cups.
Lisa
@OceanCounselling
No unfortunately neither one of them are answering still. I'm guessing my one friend who was busy, is still busy celebrating the end of her first semester of going back to nursing school. The other one still isn't talking to me. We've gotten into arguments before and she'd at least talk to me but its been days and she won't even speak to me.
I have another one or two but I just don't know if I want to find out that like the only friends, real true always there you friends, are also too wrapped up. Then I'd really have no one. So I'd rather pretend that they're not there.
I want to lean on my family but I know that their just as stressed and strung out and barely holding it together as I am so its hard to find strength and solace in someone barely holding it together as well.
All I know is I've got a killer headache and I want to just...sleep until things fix themselves.
