Confused??

@abbyk4

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

so this friendship started around feb 2018 when we realised we liked the same boy band and had our science classes together. We grew really close and I started talking to her almost every day. We would laugh over nearly everything and it was just so fun. I dont exactly remember when but I remember she told me how she and her family moved countries when she was 4 and went to a school. Then she moved again. (This is going to lead to something positive or negative. Some children can't handle this changes, and often it may lead to emotional problems. The moving part may have caused her to feel like its not good to make friends because it would mean she would have to say goodbye to them after awhile, so it makes her want to give up) I think that happened often because she said whenever she would make friends theyd leave so she thought whats the point. I felt really bad that she went through so much change at an early age and even though Im only a few months older (which is new for me to be older) I felt like I wanted to protect her as a friend (This is very sweet of you, but you got to be careful when it comes. One important thing to do is just listen amd empathize, because protecting her a friend may lead you tolerate some behaviors or to compromise) and make sure she feels cared for because sometimes she needs to be told shes worthy and not to discourage herself. Even though I do the same to myself I thought if I helped her and stayed with her and was really close then it would be best for the both of us. At the time she had one best friends and other close ones but she told me about something that we both felt wasnt nice of them to do and I could see why she still thinks that others dont appreciate her. But I wanted to prove her wrong and I wanted to show her that even though weve gone through a lot we can still be good friends and help one another. So we talked often and were really close in class but-

sometimes she would say things that made me feel a bit disheartened or slightly offended. We are both fans of a band but because she is more into some things than I am I would feel forced and obliged to commit to her. (One important to keep in mind in friendship and relationship is to maintain your individuality you had before her throughout the friendship. You don't need to be unatural or feel forced to commit or say something on order to please her. You shouldn't compromise how you feel on order to please someone because its going to make you unhappy) Sometimes I wouldnt reply straight away when she spammed me (This shows she was going through separation anxiety due to the past abandonment issues she has, and she is spamming you as a way to soothe her anxiety. She is also coming across as desperate when she spams you, its not normal behavior) and it felt like a relief. But overtime she became very time consuming (I would say you are feeling a bit pressured to be this friend because she went through a lot, but also her behavior will definetly drain you at some point because she is coming from the place of needing and projecting unmet needs) and even though I knew she needed constant attention sometimes I felt like I was the only one giving and replying to her but never receiving anything back.(I feel like you added even more pressure to behave and act in a certain way to make her feel happy which will cause you to feel unhappy and disconnected with yourself. She will see you are investing and trying to please her more thna she does with you, then she will invest less on you. It's so important to treat friendship/relations as investments) I never told anyone because I thought they would think I rushed into a friendship too fast because I only have close friends who I dont think Ive became close to as fast as this friend and I have.

So even though she spammed me and needed constant attention (She is projecting unmet needs on you and behaving desperate by spamming you. She has lost empathy for how this would make you feel because she is mostly focus on soothing her anxiety when she doesn't hear from you) I told myself she was happy and I knew that that was what I wanted for her (This tells me "Something right now is bothering me and im unhappy, but im going to push down how i feel for her by thinking this would make her happy. You are not putting priority on how you feel and your needs, so often this will lead to the other person investing less on you and then you will feel unhappy in the friendship) anyways so I just let it be. (This is pleaser mentality, you pushed it to the back of your mind on order to please her without thinking that how you feel is important as well) Here and there she would say things I would find a bit stuck up but I didnt want to say anything because I thought it might ruin what we had. (This is a sign you are also projecting unmet needs on her and afraid of losing her. This will lead you tolerate disrespectful behaviors and stay in unhealthy friendships on order to not lose them) Just recently though, I started liking another group. She always used to spam me with her interests (This is a projection of unmet needs because in the past no one was curious about what she wants or her interests, so now all of that is being projected on you) and as I said before, I would always reply with as much honesty as I could knowing that I was lucky to have her share things with me. (It's not that you are "lucky to have her", its just that you are a great friend, so it made her trust you. You are putting her on a pedestal here) What happened was, when I started liking this group I spammed her for two days (obv wasnt non stop straight 48hrs). Now when she saw this she said she didnt know how to respond and felt bad that she couldnt be as happy as I was

I understand her bc I felt the same way when she used to spam me but I was happy for her. (Im noticing that she feels overwhelmed when she is being spammed, but then she spams you when she has this needs for connection.) But I said ok I wont spam you anymore. She moved onto another topic but it was 12:30 and I had a tiring day and I also felt sad about what she said. (I see why it would make you feel sad, you were excited to talked about your interest while she gave a short response) I said its getting late and goodnight and I tried to sleep. (This is a sign you felt angry and sad, so you decided to end the conversation) But then she kept on spamming me saying that she was pissed. (You didn't do anything wrong here, but her anxiety was triggered, so now she lost emotional self control. I can tell she has anxiety and don't know how to manage her anxiety) I was too but I tried to let it be, it was my own fault for thinking that spamming what I liked would be boring even though she used to do the same. (The "boring" part its either a parental message you receive growing up or someone else made you feel this way because your interest are not boring.) I told myself some people are different. She said that she spammed me and all I replied with was a ok I wont spam anymore (Huh? this is her projecting how she feels and blaming you when she was the one who gave you a short answer...) and I said well thats all I have to say unless you want me to say meaningless things. (This is a message that comes from anger, disappoinment and disconnection. You are trying to use indirect message by saying "unless you want me to say meaningless things" because confrontation scares you) She said I wasnt typing like I usually did and that I seemed petty. (Oh so now you are the "petty" one? when she was the one who gave you a short answer...? she is distorting reality here) Then I got even more pissed at how she called me petty (That was rude and disrespectful of her to say something like this) for getting mad at something I tolerated when she did but she couldnt? (I seem to have an issue with this. Okay so you have show empathy and interest when she spams, however you expect the same in return even though she doesn't have the same level of empathy and excitement as you. This is where things are formed, you both communicate differently so it will lead to both sides feeling disconnected) We argued but in the end I said that I was honestly sorry because I still felt it was my fault. (I wouldn't have done this after she said "you seemed petty", you don't apologize to someone who was rude to you. I think you have always felt like everything was your fault so now this takes over the friendship) After that we havent talked as often and even when we do it ends quicker than it used to. (To be honest? i wouldn't be in such a rush to talk with someone who said something rude) She left me on seen a few days ago and she usually doesnt but I tried to brush it off. (She is giving you the silent treatment here which is childish. She is doing this because you didn't behave in the way she wanted so she is seeking to punish you) Today I tried talking to her but she left the convo petty quickly again. (You shouldn't text someone who leaves you on "seen" because is quite clear she is behaving childish and immature) I dont know where to go with this. (Do nothing...don't reach out first and wait to hear from her. If she does reach out then take 24 hours to respond, make her earn you back after the way she treated you) Do I say we dont work (No) or do I try and put up with our small incompatibilities? (Neither because what you want and think is important)Please help me and thank you so much for reading all of this, have a great day :)