Had a Best Friend Breakup - AMA
In September,myself and my best friend of almost 4years had a really awful falling out. I'd like to say I'm over it, but I still am not and don't think I will be for a very long time. I feel like best friend breakups are less talked about than romantic splits, so AMA! And share stories if you have some.
I know how you feel. I had a very hard breakup from my bestfriendof 4 years at the end of high school, it affected me in so many ways like I couldn't function properly for such a long time. Now 4 years have passed and even if we broke up in the worst of ways (we had a terrible terrible fight) I still think about her often and wonder how she's doing and if she misses me sometimes cause I still miss her a lot.
It's so hard. It's like a huge piece of you is missing! She truly knew everything about me, and I felt so secure in that friendship, then it was like the ground disappearedfrom beneath me.
I felt the same, but what we went through was too big, we tried to fix it but we couldn't so we just drifted apart very quickly and it kind of shook me for a long time. I've now made new best friends and they mean the world to me but no one will ever be like her, not in a bad way, they're just different and it makes me wonder how my life would be if I still had her with me
I totally understand and I'm glad you shared with me!!
In your experience do you feel it is harder to break up with yourbest friend or a serious relationship? (if this applies)
What do you feel you will mist themost about your best friend?
Do you feel that you have changed from this experience?
In your experience do you feel it is harder to break up with yourbest friend or a serious relationship? (if this applies)
What do you feel you will mist themost about your best friend?
Do you feel that you have changed from this experience?
a. I feel friends are harder. But I also have not had a relationship last as long as that friendship did, so I guess I don't have enough experience to really know. But for me, it was always more difficult for me to find a good friend than a romantic partner, so when I found her it was incredible. In friendships, there are no high stakes (e.g. future marriage; kids; sex etc), so I just got so comfortable. Because I felt so safe, secure, and uninhibited, when our friendship ended, it was very jarring to not have that feeling anymore.
b. I will miss having a girl Iknew I could talk to about anything and everything, who was always on my side but also gave me her perspective. Our relationship was so uncomplicated and safe until the end.
c. I feel that I have become much more socially anxious and distrusting. It also made me really look for warning signs in female friendships, though, to see if there's underlying jealousy/insecurity that could potentially hurt later if you let them get too close. So I'm better prepared to protect myself.
:0 I'm sorry to hear that.
One question - what kind of thing caused the breakup? Only if you're comfortable talking about it though.
Initially, it was over a boy - she liked him for a long time, then he met me and liked me. Silly stuff. I pursuedhis friendship whenshe was uncomfortable with us being anything at all, which is understandable. So this caused a rift, but then a few weeks went by and she slowly revealed several insecurities she had towards me and our relationship (which she had never shared previously).So basically it fell over weeks, but she kept telling me that she would just need time - which I gave her willingly. Then after about 2 weeks of no communication she sat me down and let me have it, and then walked out, and I haven't talked to her since, unfortunately. For a long time I blamed myself, and I now am sure that, although part of it is my fault, part of it is also hers.
Ugh yeah guy situations can be tricky. ): Haha yeah glad you're not blaming yourself anymore! It's such a hard thingfor both parties to take the other person's feelings into consideration, and if one person isn't generous enough, there's not much the other can do. :L
I?m sorry to hear this, it must be hard losing someone you trusted very much. How do you know if a friendship is over for good, or if there is a chance for reconciliation still?
I think you know by the way it ends. If you just slowly drift apart, and there's no real blowup or closure, then you could reconcile with time. But in my situation (if you read the reply above) that is not the case! I believe also you learn in these types of situations what kind of people you want to attract into your life, and I think we both learned that we were not compatible for what the other person truly needs. Doesn't make it any easier, oddly, but a good thing to know.
