How do I fix this?

so I have this coworker and over the last year and a half that we have been partners we have gotten very close and become pretty much best friends. We talk about everything we have so many deep connections its crazy. Back story on me quickly I was in a horrible fairly abusive relationship for four years that finally ended this year & ive beem growing & healing since but I thibk I do have some cptsd from that& I also have anxiety in general anyways so I have felt for awhile now that maybe our friendship was started to go past that of just friends but neither of us act on it bc we work together etc etc and of course we have such an amazing friendship but also I could be reading that wrong i dunno well yesterday we were talking about relaxing and being nice he walks over starts to rub my shoulders again we are insanel6 close no reasom that should have been weird well for some reason as soon as he started that I straight up freaked out said you have stop that and bolted ....then I awkwardly walked around room cleaning for like 20 min and everything between us was awkward i could tell he was embarrassed and confused and he kept apologizing i kept telling him nothing be sorry for but I couldn't look at him& he was like why are you running arounf room cleabing etc ....i dunno i suddenly feel like im in jr high this seems so dumb but is so awkward between us after that and im not even sure why I reacted that way what can I do to fix this so it not awkward & he doesnt feel ba