How do I turn down a friend?
As I begin to write this, I realize that this all may come across as being silly. But here I go.
I am not one for friendships. I have those who are close to me, but even they are quite far away (if you compare to other peoples classic"friendships") and one other who means the world to me. I will say I'm an introvert, and I love my personal space.
Most of my university friendships are nothing more than a "hello" or "how are you?" type relationship. Nothing more than small talk;I prefer my privacy and don't like to open up for anyone. Due to some instances in my past, its just how I prefer it. There was a guy at university that was nothing more than one of those people in my life, however now I can't seem to get away from him. He had invited me out for lunch during the summer break, and I thought I should try to change my attitude on "friends" so I decided to go. (I had also felt bad that I declined a group meet up a week earlier due to anxiety issues.) We talked. That was that. Unistarts and all of a sudden he's talking to me at any opportunity. Texts me at random times. And if I look around a room (which I often do) most times I will catch him looking toward me. Now, at the start I thought "hey, he's just being nice", but there is one thing that bothers me and weirds me out. I have a rule, and those who unknowingly break it will bother me until they prove otherwise. The rule is: I am a person, treat me like you would any other of your friends. I can't help but think "You base how you talk to them on their personality not their gender, so why is it that I am treated like a "girl" because I am female? "He began to say things that made me feel uncomfortable, and doesn't seem to leave me alone. Part of me hopes that he is just being nice and is just awkward around girls because he may not have many friends who are female. But to me it feels like I'm making excuses. He knows I have a boyfriend, so I don't understand why he is so clingy. I'm not that close with him.
I don't know what to do. It makes me uncomfortable being at Uni, but at the same time I feel terrible if he is just trying to be a good friend. It's just not how I do friendships.
Tell him how you feel about it and be honest. Its the best way to find out if he is just being a good friend or if there is something more to it.
I think maybe he's just trying to be a good friend, you can try talking to him about it and see how it goes from there, and maybe eventually you'll like the whole friendship thing?
Having good communication with the people around you lets you know if there are any hidden motives. Maby try not to be blunt when you ask him but dont beat around the bush. If you come accross as to blunt he might get offended but if to soft he might not get the point of the questions or not want to anser them.
I'm just too scared to say something though, I'm not a fan of confrontation..
I must say though, we've only really been talking for like two weeks as friends, and he has mentioned he considers me a close friend. But what I don't understand is, if we are 'close' friends, shouldn't he know the things he says makes me uncomfortable? For example, he keeps bringing up my appearance. Now, I'm am not a girl who thrives on compliments, which makes me think he's only saying this because he assumes that's what I want to hear. Secondly I find when I'm in a group conversation, he tries to talk to me one on one. Thirdlythere was this weird conversation how a girl saw him and I talking (he had turned down this girl, but this was like two years ago) and he mentioned how awkward it was that she saw us together when he turned her down because they go to uni together(he didn't want it to be weird). I was like "why is it awkward for us to be seen together?... She has a boyfriend now, so don't stress". It doesn't make sense to me, unless he has thought of us as more than friends, or he's just thought about me sexually before. I mean, I am in a course that's mostly guys so I'm friends with guys. That girl is in the same course and knows who I'm friends with, so why the would it be awkward for her to see me with him? That conversation was the last one I've really had with him (other than small talk)because it just made me feel so uncomfortable.
Am I reading in to it too much?