I accidentally hurt my best friend and now he won
So my best friend and I have been really close for quite a while, to the point where we share nearly everything with each other. We live 10 hours (by car) away from each other right now because of the pandemic, and its been difficult to not have my friend close. Hes been having some problems in his family lately, especially relating to his dads turbulent relationship with him and his mom (hes an only child). The other day, he had an absolutely awful day, and called me at 1:10 AM asking if we could watch a comedy show together. In my naievete I mustve misread the intensity of the situation, and told him that I needed to go to bed so I could get up at 8:00 AM.
The next day, he told me he felt really hurt and betrayed that I hadnt stayed up with him. He felt like I wasnt there for him when he needed it most, and if the tables were turned he wouldve done the same thing for me. I told him that I didnt understand the situation at the time, and that if I wouldve known I wouldve absolutely stayed up with him. He said hed been reevaluating the nature of our friendship, and wasnt sure if we could stay best friends anymore. This really hurt me, because Ive had an emotionally manipulative best friend ghost me before, and Im still dealing with complex trauma from that relationship.
He responded to one of my texts yesterday, but hasnt been responding since. Im not sure what I should do- I want to show him that it was legitimately a misunderstanding
@evergal1 Sorry to hear about the problem you had with your friend. Did he actually confide in you that he really needed some company or did he just assume you would know? Because it's really not fair for them to get upset with you if they just assumed you would read their mind.
If I were in your shoes, I would have probably made the same mistake and assumed he just wanted to hang out for fun. I understand it hurts that your friend isn't talking to you right now, but I hope you don't put too much blame on yourself
@evergal1
It sounds like you really value this friendship and want to make things right with your best friend again. It can be very difficult to talk to a friend who's going through a hard time. He might be focusing his anger on you because of his current situation when a misunderstanding like this would be something he'd normally forgive without a second thought.
If he's really your best friend, then this is the time to prove it. You didn't know how bad the situation was before but now you do. This is your chance to tell him that you are his friend and you're not going to give up on him without a fight. It seems like all he needed was a little attention. This happens in friendships from time to time. But it's not too late to be there for him now. I'm sure that if you keep reaching out to him and just let him know that you'll wait until he's ready to forgive you that he'll see your friendship is strong and worth keeping.
And later, once your friend is out of his current crisis, talk to him about emotional manipulation. He might not be aware of his behavior. I know from experience that being a good friend isn't easy. It means having humility, patience, giving the other person the benefit of the doubt, being understanding of their point of view, and reaching out even when they pull away. It's a lot of work and sometimes you're left wondering if it's worth the effort. But that's what it is to fight the good fight. It might feel pointless at times but it's not- being kind to someone who really needs a little kindness makes a difference. It makes you the kind of person who makes a difference. Hope everything works out for you and your best friend!