I am not going to give him power
Hi:
I have been posting a lot on here and keep in mind this is a different situation but basically, I haven't been friends with a married couple who turned out to be fake and toxic who seemed to treat me like a piece of trash because I didn't do things they wanted or live up to their standing up to him. While I have been working through things with a counselor involving the situation, my emotions have been stirred. I had attempted to confront them and but the husband, who is the really toxic one, responded and didn't want to own up to how they treated me.
Instead, of owning up to the way they treated me, he first off said, "Can you give me any examples as to how we treated you like a piece of trash." I didn't respond to that
He also said:
1. He said that of my existence on earth, my autism comes with a theory of mind, meaning that I am not capable of putting myself into other people's shoes. What?
2. That I have a problem with being offended and I see everyone as the devil in my eyes who doesn't agree with me. Then I suddenly turn on those people and start slandering them. - That is not true at all as he and his group of people were very cold and extremely controlling.
3. He turned it on me "We knew we were going to turn on us sooner or later." - That is not true, I did not turn on them ok? The last time we got together, I said some things he didn't like and shouted to me to "Leave" when it was over. Then after that, they never invited me to do things with them again. In all fairness, I had wanted to continue the friendship with them but I had also found out that he has some other serious problems of his own. I also decided that he is not the healthiest person to be around for various reasons as well.
After talking to my counselor and listening to lots of videos that are created by licensed therapists, I learned how to detach myself and confront them. I wrote to him back and told him he could believe what he wanted about me and that I don't get any validity from him as I have my own opinion about myself.
@Summershy
Hey there, thank you so much for sharing. I really appreciate you reaching out.
I see that you've been friends with a couple who tuned out to be toxic. I can't even imagine what that would be like to get treated so badly by a couple.
I'm also glad to know that you've been working things out with a counselor and confronted him. It sounds like his reaction was very negative though. He seems to be saying a lot of hurtful stuff to you including white lies.
I'm extremely happy to know that you've been watching videos and working things out with your counselor. I love what you said about not needing his validity and having your own opinions! You're definitely on the right track and doing the right things to get rid of the toxicity in your life and I'm very proud of yiu for that.
Please keep sharing and good luck! :)
@Affliction1
Thank you so much, I am feeling a lot better now and I am glad I confronted him too because he is a jerk and he honestly made me feel really bad about myself on several occasions. He and his wife were always criticizing me too. At the time, I was working through another bad break-up with another friend who also had hurt me really bad, around the time I met them. So, I looking for support for them and I didn't get it. They were always blowing me off and insisting it was my fault that the friendship ended because of my autism. However, they didn't know this woman and nor had they met her, they just assumed.
"Just forget about her and live now."
As for the back and forth via confrontation, I was drained both emotionally and physically after dealing with that.
@Affliction1
Honestly, I wanted that friendship so bad because of the other friendship ending so I tried to make it work, however, is that the relationship had many warning signs along with him deciding he didn't like me, that friendship ended. I also found that this couple is not trustworthy as they lie all the time, which is mostly on his end.
@Summershy
I'm really glad to know you're feeling much better now and yeah, he does sound like a jerk indeed. You know the best who you are and you shouldn't let other people have the power to change your opinion of yourself.
That wasn't very nice to them to be rude to you and say all those things about your autism and using that to make you insecure about your friendship.
I'm happy that you're feeling good now and that you've got rid of those people. That was a really great step to take for yourself!
Take care! :)
@Affliction1
At the end of the email, he had the nerve to accuse me of "Turning on them," because I was offended when he was the one who was very nasty to me the last time I was over there, a few years ago,
1. Criticized me for "Gossiping" and started talking about how he was a superior Christian
2. He avoided me for the rest of the night
3. He shouted at his wife and me to leave when she was taking me home
After that, they stopped contacting me, unless his wife sent out cute group texts or group messages. They also stopped inviting me to anything.
He's the one with problems because he would make a scene in front of me all the time by having an outburst at his wife and stepdaughter. He would also put them down all the time as well.
When he started getting nasty with me, he left me in tears twice.
His wife was abusive to me in the forms of gaslighting. "He's just correcting you and he cares for you"
They belong to a congregation of people who are also toxic and extremely controlling people. All of them liked to manipulate me by gaslighting me with things related to my autism, whenever I called any of them out. I had to tiptoe around that entire group. It was awful.