I cut off a second friendship of nearly 3 year
At the moment, I am cutting off a lot of relationships that are one-sided and otherwise unhealthy.
I decided to cut another woman loose today after feeling icky and drained during our last few conversations. The main reasons are that I noticed t
1. She seemed to have a controlling side
2. A condescending side as well - I am autistic and want to finish my education while having a full career. She kept trying to push me to either get back on disability or get a second part time job. I kept telling her that is not what I wanted.
3. The friendship was one-sided where I would do all the calling while she never did. Every time we would talk, she always seemed to have this excuse, "Hey, can I call you back, I have this late night call I need to do for work."
4. Then she never invited me over for dinner or anything- she was always busy and everyone else was a higher priority.
5. Whenever I wanted to tell her when something bothered me, she was always interrupting me or minimizing my feelings. "You know something girl, we're not going to worry about that okay?"
So anyway, during the call last night, she was trying to not only sell me on the disability but started to sell me on starting a special needs trust. "Girl, this would help you so much," so I walked away from her feeling icky and decided to end things today.
I'm glad you realise you deserve healthy, two way supportive relationships with people. I'm never really sure if they are aware of how self centred and toxic they are.
I have dealt with many of them and truth be told I really couldn't be bothered to point it out because frankly, How can you not see it.
Hogging the entire conversation, my problems are trivial, yours? The world must halt..... I actually sabotaged my last one, just to be free.
Oh what a relief to realise one's own self worth. I wish you nothing but sweet people coming into your life from now on :)
@ScrabbleBrain
For me, I felt so icky that I reached out to a trusted friend who is sincere and genuine. I even showed her a picture and she thought that she didn't look trust worthy. She suggested that I tell this woman "We are not good for each other" Luckily, that "Friend' and "Mentor" appeared to be pretty gracious. However, I ignored her. I also blocked her across the board and just decided to go no contact with her.
@Summershy Putting your needs first is just a tonic sometimes :)
@ScrabbleBrain
Thank you so much for your support because honestly, I feel very good and free about my decision
@Summershy No worries at all. Sometimes it's hard to think straight even when it seems the right thing, a sounding board is neutral and helpful :)
@ScrabbleBrain
By the way, I mispoke about the one sided calls, so she didn't just make those excuses when she first picked up the phone. Rather, we would have conversations until she got bored.
I also had a chance to step back and really look at this relationship as a whole at other dangerous red flags. Actually, she seemed to display cluster B personality traits
1. She made a grandiose statement about herself that made absolutely no sense. "I believe the reason God sent you to that house of worship was so you could meet me."
2. She made a sadistic remarks a big distaster that happened last year. "Oh that was such a blessing in disguise. Those homes were full of so much mold"
3. She exploited me at a prom for people with disabilities so she could show off on social media
4. At the prom, it was supposed to be an event where I was celebrated. Yet, she made found a way to make it about her by stealing the spotlight from me.
@Summershy Yeesh that is a whole other level of narcissism. It's amazing the clarity that unfolds when we get some space.
I hate confrontations, it always seems to tumble out wrong. I'm just glad you're in a better place now :)
@ScrabbleBrain
I currently feel very angry with her because I felt like she wasted my time. First of all, I originally reached out to her because of her profession. I also thought that I could trust her because we were accquainted in the past. That said, she could not do the one thing that I wanted her to do because she was not interested. She very unpfrofessional and irresponsible across the board if not discriminatory.
All the while, she created this false illusion that she was my mentor and friend when we remained minor accquaintances. Rather, her whole agenda for me to get back on disability so she could collect and back payments and eventually gaining full control of me. Even though I noticed that she seemed sus, I tried to make it work. It was only when I started to feel icky from the last few conversations, that I started distancing myself and eventually cut it off.
@Summershy I don't blame you for being furious. You want to trust, look up to someone or believe they have good intentions and sometimes the reality shatters that.
One person in particular, she just seemed so nice and sweet, I didn't notice anything wrong and then lil by lil I eventually saw that she had the outward appearance of All eyes on me....
But the insecurity was there too and she was really disrespectful. I finally snapped when she let a stranger insult me and expected me to stay silent. I'm glad her true colours showed. It gave me the strength to turn my back and know I deserved heaps better.
We are who we are and can still welcome others into our lives but remain cautious about their intentions until we know them better :)
@ScrabbleBrain
You former "Friend" should a lot like my former "Friend" and "Mentor"
When we were at that prom, I started seeing the mask slip because
1. She talked to me in an infantilizing manner - "Hey are you dancin?"
2. She pretended to be excited "Yay, this is our girl's night we gotta dance, girl."
3. When we did the photo both, were "Hugging each other" but she looked very uncomfortable in the photo while making a fist in the front. She is also wearing a troll face in the photo
4. She took the attention away from me during a video when I was dancing by focusing the attention back of herself. During that time, she has a very mean and sneaky look on her face while doing this immature dance.
@Summershy All I know is eventually time reveals everyone's true nature. Why waste it being unkind? It won't get you anywhere.
I would rather shine the light on others, help them up, make them feel good and cheer for their achievements in life.
It's a much better way to live :)
@ScrabbleBrain
Thanks again for your support and I agree with you about lifting others up. Anyway, it's been 3 weeks since I cut ties with her.
@Summershy onwards and upwards :)
@ScrabbleBrain
While I feel angry, I am working on moving on with my life
@Summershy
I'm proud of you.
Don't let anyone limit you ever.
And you deserve the same energy back that you are putting in.
Never settle for less 🩷🤗
@Amanda84
Thanks for your support because I felt bad about cutting her off yesterday. Actually, she does have some good qualities and did help at times. Still, she wasn't genuine or sincere. In fact, she always came across as too friendly to the point of being annoying.
I also did not care for the last several interactions that I had with her or her husband because I felt really icky afterwards.
- During February, she and I attended a prom for people with disabilties. During the whole time, she and her husband didn't respect me as a person. Eg- They were incredibly patronizing and violated my boundaries. She was also incredibly fake "Girl, this is our ladies night out."
- She also started putting ideas into my head "Be careful when you do that. I don't want you to lose your job"
- She started getting really pushy with me getting back on disability and the snap program and how I should be doing things. I told her "Well, this isn't what I want for myself" and it was "Well I know that but you need an extra cushion for a while. When you get your money back, you need to make sure that you are not spending it. We can save that money to get you a car and get you a new house." Yeah right! I saw right through her.
- Then when I had a really hard time last week, I posted online about feeling suicidal. Again, she wasn't supportive. Instead, she criticized me
- Then when I told her about being excluded from the birthday, she briefly acknowledged it and then went into "Girl, we won't worry about her."
So circling back to feeling bad about cutting her loose. Again, I felt bad at first but after blocking her on several social media accounts and her number, I actually feel really good about walking away from her.
@Summershy
You are not a bad person so if you felt like you couldn't have her in your life, trust that instinct 💚
@Amanda84
For one thing, we barely knew each other and for her to start controlling me like that is a big 🚩. It also shows me how arrogant this woman is. Yeah, I deserve so much better
