I just cut off my best friends from my life - my parents
So. My mother is addicted to nicotine. I understand, it is an addiction. I have a tendency to be addicted to food, so I understand completely. But at least I am trying and searching for new ways how to get rid of it! But she does not do a shit. She has been smoking approximately 12 cigarettes a day for over 35 years. The only time she ever stopped was when she was pregnant with me.
My father was a smoker too, but he got a wake-up call few years ago, when he was hospitalized couple of times due to heart problems. He quit cold turkey. It is true, that he substituted it with sweets, but he even gave up this habit for good. I consider him a zen monk at this point. :)
I told her, that if she does not quit smoking, I won't talk to her at all. To make my point, I deleted her from facebook, so we are not connected in any way (and I was hysterically crying while doing so, because we are really close) I have also disabled my dad's account from seeing my future posts. I am afraid, that in order to make it efficient, I have to stop talking to my dad too. :'( It hurts me terribly, literally in my chest. But it hurts me even more, that we probably won't talk for a long long time. I am afraid she will choose those goddamn cigarettes over her own daughter. T_T
I am 26 and I live independently in a city 330km far from my parents. I understand, that it is an emotional blackmailing/hostage situation, but I have no other option, my own and dad's attempts to make her quit have always failed miserably. Also, they have this riddiculous habit to check if i am okay, when i go out at night. I told her, I won't answer the phone anymore. I think they won't last very long. I really do hope I am strong and can be completely silent, because... she is 55! She.Has.To.Stop.Now.
What are your thoughts? Did I do a wrong thing? Could it work?
@Shinrin1Yoku
You didn't do anything wrong at all. I have one question though, why also your father? Do you think he would tell things to your mother?
Otherwise like I said, you did very well. it takes a lot of courage. However I'll be honest here, some people just don't want to be helped. You can't babysit your mother. if she wants to have a painful death, is up to her. Is sad, is cruel, is insane to consider but is true. You're her daughter, not her babysitter. Of course you can care for her but only if she wants it. If she wants to be stubborn and her addiction means more than the concern and love of her daughter, I would say to completly move on.
@Booklover95 Thank you for your kind words! I wish I could hug you, wherever you are. :-) Well, I won't talk to my dad, only if necessary, I won't share anything besides ' I am ok'. Because yes, he would tell her everything and it wouldn't be a real separation. Moreover, my dad gets sleepless nights and irritable bowels, when he doesn't know where I am or who I am with. I don't want to torture him, but I think, that her love for him will make her act. She will not want to put his physical and mental health in danger even if she doesn't care about hers.
The only problem is, that I will need refill of my antidepressants some day and my psychiatrist resides near my parent's place, so I will have to go there. The good news is, I have supplies for 50 days.
I don't know, how this will affect our amazing relationship. Maybe it will change forever? I just hope they will realize, that this is an attempt to save her. I was so stressed about it the whole day, that I got horrible migraine. I am afraid of how it'll affect my and their mental health. But you know, I find a solace in a thought, that even if separation hurts, what are few weeks when compared to years of life, that I am possibly saving?
@Booklover95 oh and do you know what saddens me the most? When I was on 20mg of Ability as an adjunct treatment to depression, anxiety and panic attacks, I got severe genital anesthesia, literally numb genitals. My life was a living hell already and then I read on some forums, that the anesthesia is permanent. Thanks to Nacetylcysteine, that completely removed all my symptoms (just a little tip for mood disorders sufferers, this supplement can do wonders) I was able to quit the med from hell recently. But back at the time I thought I would never have a man and children I thought this is it. And I started to have intrusive thoughts of suicide. Every two seconds I would have images of killing myself in my mind. 80 percent of me wanted to kill myself and be in peace. Do you know what held me together? Love for my parents. What is a difference, really? She is basically committing a suicide each day.