I lost a friend
I had a falling out with a close friend recently and its left me devastated. We had met through work and hit it off from there. We quickly became super close, we bonded over our similarities and upbringing.
He was very supportive, caring and considerate. He felt like he was the one person who understood me. I finally had someone who I could talk to about my problems. We both we're each others emotional support. He didn't have too many close friends and neither did I. The bond we shared was nothing I had ever experienced.
Even after he quit the job, we stayed in touch. We would hang out in person on the weekends at the mall. He got me into an anime and we would have fun talking about it. He would complain how he tried to get one of his other friends into but it never happened.
We talk about practically everything, even when we wouldn't say anything it wouldn't be awkward. We would play games together and talk on the phone when we could. He made feel happier after talking with him. Talking to him was the highlight of my dad.
One day, I let slip that I liked him as more than a friend. I never meant to tell him but unfortunately it slipped out and his family got wind of it and it was then that he decided to cut me off. I had told him, I was gay and he didn't have an issue with it but after this he cut me off.
Ive never been so low, I don't have any drive anymore. I barely eat or sleep, it just doesn't matter to me anymore. Losing him felt like I lost a part of myself.
@Redtiger1994
I'm so sorry that things with your friend have been rough. Maybe, with time, he'll reach out to you and try to continue the friendship. But even if that doesn't turn out to be the case, remember that you are an amazing person, someone with an incredible capacity to love and to be loved. The loss of a good friend is painful and cuts to the deepest part of us. We're built to make connections and bond with other people and anytime those connections get severed or those bonds get broken, a wound is formed.
But just like broken bones, emotional wounds heal with time. Right now, it's ok to be sad. Grieving is part of the process. Little by little, it does gets better. With time, it will hurt less. And maybe you ask yourself why this happened. Maybe you wonder why it had to be this way. It's because you really cared about your friend. And your feelings for him were real and were strong. Real love is never a waste of time.
Someday, there won't be dark clouds in your sky anymore. It won't be too long now. Just on the other side of this hill, just over the horizon there's a sunrise waiting for you and you'll wake up and all the pain and sadness you feel now will be behind you. Just hold on until that day. It won't be long.
@Redtiger1994
Dear sweetheart, I am so sorry this happened to you. First off please dont blame yourself. You are not responsible for the actions of others and even if others are ignorant and choose to cut you off, thats a flaw in themselves. You are valuable and anyone should treasure being your friend and be loyal to you, never leaving you over something like that. I think what your ex friend did is disgusting and toxic and Im sorry to say youre better off without him. You deserve someone who will treasure and love you unconditionally especially not over something like that, that you cant control. I am so sorry youre in pain. I feel for you so much, dear. When I lost my ex girlfriend it was like losing a best friend. And she left me for my depression which I couldnt control. Its so weird to go from talking so much, feeling so comfortable and happy, to awkward tension and feeling unwanted anytime you consider reaching out to them. Relationships dont always work out, friendships dont always work. This was his fault so please dont self blame. You are an amazing lovable worthy person. I know it feels horrible right now. You can get through this. Please try to focus on yourself, your physically and emotional needs, try to practice self care and love and be kind to yourself. When others turn their back on you its important to have your own back. Im rooting you on hoping you will feel better soon and see youre better off without someone so toxic. I feel so bad for you that this happened to you because you simply dont deserve this. My heart breaks for you dear.
@Brett027 Thank you very much for the kind words. I wouldn't necessarily call him toxic, to me it feels like his family kind of strong armed him into it. Those words werre meant to be between us but his brother overheard and told his parents which is then when his energy switched and he decided that we couldn't be friends anymore even though I was pleading with him that we could still be friends.
I've messaged him twice and have gotten no response. I've since given up trying to get in touch with him. I thought our friendship meant more to him but I guess not. I made it way to awkward so now he's cut me off completely. It hurts because we were so close and I was afraid something like this would happen. If I could go back and undo it I would gladly have done it.
Before I became friends with him I was just going through the motions. I didn't have anyone to talk to besides family, I would just go to work and then come home and sleep. I was basically a zombie more or less. Having him my life made me feel happy and I was much more interested in everything. Now it feels like i've reverted back into that state.
I'm better now, I think i've accepted that he's no longer going to be apart my life. But talking with other people about definitely helps.