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I may have lost my friends

User Profile: cutelilcardinal4718
cutelilcardinal4718 May 1st, 2021

So I got into a fight with my boyfriend over the phone...in front of three of my friends in a car. One of them is my roommate. I got back to the room before her and I was crying for about 20 minutes alone before she came in the first time. I said hi and she said hey, then I said "I'm sorry" and she said "It's fine."

After this, she left for another 10-ish minutes before coming back and saying "I'm going over to [friend 1]'s room until she leaves. If you wanna be around people you can come over but...I'll be over there."

I tried texting friend 1 to apologize. I think it was something along the lines of "I'm so sorry I ruined the day. This could have been avoided if I'd waited to take the call when we got back. I understand if you're mad at me."

She replied that they weren't mad, they just hated seeing this side of my boyfriend because they feel he isn't treating me properly (he is, but they aren't in the relationship so they don't understand all of his reasoning for things). I said thank you.

A couple hours later, after my boyfriend and I have worked everything out, I go to a little convenience store on campus to buy them both their favorite drink and some chocolate. It was a way for me to both apologize and say thank you for putting up with me. The room was tense so I didn't stay.

Cut to about 30 minutes after that, I'm on the phone with my mom when my roommate comes in, changes her socks and shoes, and promptly leaves.

Soon after, I decide to do my dishes in the bathroom. I watch them come into the bathroom and friend 1 says "we're brushing our teeth, [my roommate] is coming with me to this party I'm going to."

So they leave. Them and the third friend that was in the car. They go to this party. What bothers me is that not once did a single person from that car ask me if I was okay after the phone call. I said some scary things during the call. Not once did they consider checking on me. And when they were all around me in the bathroom, they all acted like everything was fine.

So I have this plan to get up early and spend the entire day in the library "studying" since I'm incredibly hurt and don't want to inconvenience anyone with my presence.

I know it was not okay for me to take that call in the car but I only took it because I thought they'd be supportive and caring and check on me. But not once.

So did I just lose three friends because I annoyed them to the point of ignoring me since I wouldn't shut up? Or did I misjudge what I thought was a good support system?

1
User Profile: raspberryLemon5565
raspberryLemon5565 May 12th, 2021

@cutelilcardinal4718 I understand that you are hurt because of anything. But, you should understand, that you are in a vulnerable situation. When you have a disturbed mind, it is really hard to judge a situation. You had a fight with your boyfriend, and your friends didn't know what really happened over there. They know that you are upset, and apparently angry, so maybe, they just wanted to give you time alone to settle down. What happened between you and your boyfriend is personal, and if you trust them and are comfortable, you can share with them. I think, they must have thought the same too. They made sure to let you know that they were available if you need them. Or that they were going to a party, so you might wanna join them. They also mentioned that they were not upset because of what happened. If you need more time to settle down, just take it. Make peace with you mind. Have a conversation with any of them, anyone to whom you feel closer, openly. Tell them about how you feel now. You'll know the other side of the story... But, take your time and make peace. You don't want to flip while having the conversation with them.